Oldest Daughter Leaving for College, Mom Grieving Already
by Mary Follin and Erika Guerrero
​​Read more ASK MOM on Fredericksburg Parent & Family ​

THE PROBLEM: My oldest daughter is leaving for college next year, and truth be told, I’ve been sad about it since she was in tenth grade. I know this isn’t healthy, but she’s the light of my life, and everything will change once she’s gone. I have two other children that I love just as much, so the thought of ALL of them eventually leaving is practically making me sick! My husband seems to be taking it all in stride, so I guess it’s a mom thing. I wish I could feel better about it, since that’s what kids are supposed to do. Leave, right?

Self-absorbed children embarrass mom
by Mary Follin and Erika Guerrero
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THE PROBLEM: I’m a little frustrated that my kids all seem to be pretty self-absorbed. It’s not that they’re not kind to others (they are!), it’s just that they all seem to be interested in only talking about themselves. I’ve got three kids ages eight to thirteen, and I notice when they’re together they don’t seem particularly interested in each other’s stories. It’s even worse when they’re with friends; all the kids butt in, telling their own stories and not listening to anybody else’s. Sometimes it’s a little embarrassing. I took my 13 yo to help with a volunteer project, and while she was packing cans of food into bags, she talked nonstop about herself: her school, her friends, her likes and dislikes. She’s a sweet kid and I don’t want to shame her by pointing this out, but I’m starting to wonder if somebody needs to, and if that ‘somebody’ should be me.

Daughter Favors Dad, Mom Resents It
by Mary Follin and Erika Guerrero
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THE PROBLEM: My 3 yo daughter likes her father better than me. I’m embarrassed to admit this, but sometimes it makes me angry. I do most of the nurturing around here (feeding, bathing, getting her to bed), then my husband swoops in and does the fun stuff. I’m a mom at home, and my husband works really hard, so I don’t want to burden him with doing more than he already is. (He’s great about helping whenever I ask him to.) Besides, I’m not mad at him! I’m feeling resentment toward my daughter when the three of us are together (say, at a family get together), and she cries for my husband when I’m the one holding her. I really want to address this. I mean, how can I possibly have resentment toward a 3-year-old?

Son bored unless he's in front of a screen, mom sad about it
by Mary Follin and Erika Guerrero
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THE PROBLEM: I worry about my (8 yo) son and his addiction to screens. Even though ‘addiction’ is my word, I’m scared that it’s really what I’m seeing. He’s totally restless unless he’s playing a video game or watching TV. I often make him do something else—Legos, drawing, reading etc.—and he’s sweet and agreeable about going along with it. He just doesn’t seem to enjoy these other activities, which makes me sad. I feel like he’s not going to have fond memories of his childhood, because the only thing he really loves to do with a passion is whatever’s online or on TV. I’d appreciate any ideas. ​

Daughter Depends Too Much on Mom
​by Mary Follin and Erika Guerrero
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THE PROBLEM: My 8 yo daughter has a habit of running everything through me. She tells me every little thing about herself. (My nose was runny on the bus, my teacher called on me twice, my elbow hurt when I threw the ball at recess.) She also looks to me to affirm her opinions. If someone asks her how she likes a particular movie, she’ll glance my way, as if she’s checking to see what I thought about it first. The worst is when she follows me around the house, telling me everything she’s thinking. It totally gets on my nerves! I usually just give her quick responses, but sometimes I snap and say something like: “Figure it out yourself!” I know I’m her mom, so I hate to hurt her feelings like this, but I’m only human. How can I get her to break the habit?

Mom feeds blaming habit in teenage daughter
by Mary Follin and Erika Guerrero
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THE PROBLEM: My 16-year-old daughter tells me everything. I know this is a good thing (at least, I think it is), but I feel like she depends on me too much to support her. For example, last week she was complaining about one of her teachers who did something that sounded pretty unfair to me. I said something like: “Well, there are a lot of people who aren’t particularly fair-minded.” Or, when her friend left her out on a shopping trip, I told her that it surprised me, too, and I could see why she was hurt. (I did actually think it was mean, but I just wanted to empathize with her, so I didn’t say her friend was mean.) I try not to present a different way to look at a situation because she never listens to that. Usually, she just argues until I find a way to see things from her perspective. I feel like I’m doing something unhelpful, here, but I don’t know how to change it.

ASK MOM: Son pits dad against mom, tries to get friends to ‘take sides’
by Mary Follin and Erika Guerrero
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THE PROBLEM: My middle son (he's 9) has a habit of ‘playing both ends against the middle.’ What I mean is, he tries to get people on his side. Like, when I tell him he can’t do something, he’ll go tell his dad I said ‘no.’ Sometimes, his dad supports my decision, but other times, I get an earful from my husband about why I should say ‘yes.’ My husband will even overturn my decision on occasion, which I feel undermines my authority. We were in the car the other day and my son asked if he could play video games and I said: “Not now. Why don’t you look at the beautiful fall leaves for a while?” Then my son said: “Dad, can I?” And my husband said “Sure.” I know this is a parenting issue between us, but I see my son telling one friend what another said or trying to get one sibling to gang up with him against the other, so it’s not just with us. Any ideas?

"Bad Mom" Suffers Extreme Mom Guilt
by Mary Follin and Erika Guerrero
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THE PROBLEM: I feel like a bad mom. I can never keep up with things—school lunches, laundry, getting dinner on the table—all the normal stuff I should be able to take care of. To look at my household, you would think I had a bunch of kids, but I only have three (twelve, nine, and six). And to top everything off, they’re squabbling all the time, so there’s always a bit of chaos in my home. My neighbor has eight children, and her house runs like a top. My husband works and I stay home with the kids, so I know I SHOULD be able to get everything done. My mom says I should have the kids help out more (and she’s right), but it’s always a battle to get them to do anything, and I don’t have time to fool with it. What’s wrong with me?

Mom Worries About Sensitive Son, Thinks He's Too Fragile
by Mary Follin and Erika Guerrero
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THE PROBLEM: My (9 yo) son is extremely sensitive, which is one of the things I love about him. He always considers other people’s feelings and never wants to see anyone get hurt. He’s so sweet! But sometimes, I think he’s toosensitive, bordering on fragile. Every time something happens to somebody (or an animal), he gets so upset. He’s like that about himself, too. If someone says something unkind to him (which doesn’t happen often), his eyes fill with tears. He’s always been like this, but it’s gotten heavier for him as he’s gotten older and more aware of all the terrible things going on in the world. How can I help him become less susceptible to other people’s struggles without breaking his spirit?

Kid Upset by Change, Frustrated Mom Tired of Tantrums
by Mary Follin and Erika Guerrero
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THE PROBLEM: My child gets upset when his routine is disrupted. That was okay when he was little, since his dad and I had a lot of control over how his day would go. But now he’s 11, and he still throws a fit every time we have to do something unexpected, like take him to the doctor or make a quick trip to the grocery store. We both work from home, so we’re able to work around him and take turns doing things we need to get done. And yes, we do everything in our power to give him advance notice of activities, but that’s not always possible. Plus, we have no control over his school day. I’m losing patience here!

Depressed Teen Tries Out for School Play and Doesn't Make It
by Mary Follin and Erika Guerrero
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THE PROBLEM: My 14 yo son has struggled with depression since he was 9, and for whatever reason, nothing seems to work out for him. He tried out for the school play and didn’t make it, which has put him in a pretty dark mood; it was something he was actually excited about. It’s hard for him to make friends, and he’s not a real joiner, so he’s by himself a lot. His dad does stuff with him all the time (he’s a wonderful father), but a kid needs to be with his peers, too. I have to admit, I’m sad most of the time these days, thinking about how hard things are for him. I guess one good thing is that he feels he can talk to me and my husband, but we don’t always know what to tell him. And yes, he’s in counseling.  ​

Mom obsessively worries about her kids, can't get comfortable
by Mary Follin and Erika Guerrero
Read more ASK MOM on Fredericksburg Parent & Family ​

THE PROBLEM: I’m always worried about my children. I have four of them, so I’ve got plenty to worry about. I keep expecting to get a phone call from the school, telling me something bad has happened, or imagining one of them riding their bike and getting hit by a car. I can never really relax. My oldest was very sick as a baby so we spent a lot of time at the hospital. Every time we drove up to the building, I would get all sweaty and nervous. He’s doing okay now, but I can’t seem to get over it, and it’s playing out through this chronic worry I have about all my kids. (At least I’ve figured that out!) Suggestions on how to change this are welcome. ​

Toddler has anxiety, mom at wit's end
by Mary Follin and Erika Guerrero
Read more ASK MOM on Fredericksburg Parent & Family ​

THE PROBLEM: My three-year old daughter has been diagnosed with anxiety. Her doctor says he is seeing anxiety and depression show up in earlier years than ever before. Why is this? We do everything we can to make her feel safe. My husband and I tell her we love her all the time, we let her choose the things she likes (within reason), and we don’t let her watch scary shows. Anytime she’s upset, we try and soothe her and talk her through it, as best as one can with a three-year-old. Her anxiety shows up in temper tantrums and fearful crying, so we’re constantly feeling on thin ice with her, anticipating what might upset her and trying to avoid it. She’s afraid to be alone in her room, so she sleeps with us, which doesn’t make for the best night’s sleep for any of us. Help!

Son picks on younger sibling, mom worried about psychological impact
by Mary Follin and Erika Guerrero
​Read more ASK MOM on Fredericksburg Parent & Family ​

THE PROBLEM: My older son (14) picks on his little brother (9). It’s not out-and-out bullying, just belittling remarks, like, “I see you have your shirt on backwards again, dummy.” I’m worried about this because their father isn’t in the picture, and I’m afraid my little one won’t have a male role model to look up to. (I think that’s partly what’s going on with my older son.) I have two other children (daughters), and he’s actually pretty nice to them most of the time. So not only is my youngest getting picked on, he’s also getting left out. I don’t know what to do.

Daughter won't do what she's told, mom sick of it
​by Mary Follin and Erika Guerrero
​Read more ASK MOM on Fredericksburg Parent & Family ​

THE PROBLEM: My daughter (she’s 11), will never do what I tell her to do. I’m not particularly demanding, but if I ask her to set the table for dinner, she says “OK,” then nothing happens. I typically have to cajole her to get something done, and when she still doesn’t move, I end up threatening her with some kind of punishment. At that point I’m usually yelling, and it’s a pretty bad scene. I’m sick of this. I’ve gotten to the point where I do things myself rather than go to battle with her. There’s a lot of tension between us because of this.

by Mary Follin and Erika Guerrero
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THE PROBLEM: I often think my youngest (8 yo) child seems overwhelmed living at our house. We’re a close family, but a loud one. My husband and I have seven kids, two dogs, and a guinea pig, and pandemonium reigns. We all love it, except for my little one. He’s always been quiet and shy, but it’s gotten to the point where he hardly talks at all. He’s got a really good friend that he spends a lot of time with, but I wish he were more comfortable at home.

Daughter Always Has to Be Right, Turning into Know-It-All
by Mary Follin and Erika Guerrero
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THE PROBLEM: My 14 yo daughter is a know-it-all. I wish I could say something nicer than that, but she’s getting on my last nerve. Whenever anybody tells her anything, she says: “I already knew that,” even if she clearly didn’t. But even worse, she’ll add a detail to make sure everybody sees she knows more than they do. When she’s got her facts mixed up, she’ll have some vague excuse, which always circles back around to her being right. Even though I say it bugs me, it actually makes me sad. Her needing to be right is off-putting not just to me, but to her brother and her friends, too.

THE PROBLEM: I’m afraid my son is addicted to video games. He’s twelve, and he’s a sweet boy, but he only seems to be truly happy when he’s playing his favorite video game. I do limit the time he spends on screens at home (one hour a day), but I have no control over what he does at other kids’ homes. Sometimes, he sneaks a few hours when I’m not home (he admits this!), but I don’t want to over-dramatize the situation by locking his game up (or removing a cable) when I leave the house. I am at a loss as to what to do.

Mom tired of son blaming everybody but himself
by Mary Follin and Erika Guerrero
​Read on Fredericksburg Parent & Family magazine ​ ​
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THE PROBLEM: My son (9 yo) has a bad habit of blaming people. (He blames our dog, too, if something gets knocked over or eaten.) He’s constantly ‘telling’ on his two sisters, and it doesn’t matter WHO did WHAT, I can never get a straight story from him. It’s always their fault. His teacher is also the ‘bad guy,’ and ‘everybody is always picking on him.’ The worst is during games, when ‘the coach never lets him play,’ or ‘James missed that fly ball and lost the game,’ even though the ball clearly landed practically at my son’s feet. I’m in a weird spot when I try to address this, because I feel like I’m constantly pointing out how my son is at fault, which isn’t helpful. I’m a little stuck here.

Divorce makes daughter angry, mom gets the blame
by Mary Follin and Erika Guerrero
Read on Fredericksburg Parent & Family magazine ​

​THE PROBLEM: My (14 yo) daughter blames me for divorcing her father. I guess that makes sense (because I did), but I assure you I had good reasons for doing so. Since I don’t want to make ex-husband out to be the bad guy, I avoid putting him down in front of her. She can’t understand why I would break up our family, when ‘Dad’ is such a sweet guy. She says she never thought she would come from a broken family, and now here she is. I don’t think I need to tell you how guilty I feel about this, even though I am confident I did the right thing. I know there is no easy answer, but ideas would be helpful.

Child is depressed and mom feels guilty about it
by Mary Follin and Erika Guerrero
Read on Fredericksburg Parent & Family magazine ​

THE PROBLEM: My child is unhappy. I’ve taken her to a doctor to check for depression, and she does have it. (She’s 8 yo.) Something about that depresses me, like I’m responsible for her feeling that way. (Depression runs in my family, and I’ve had my own share of it.) Her therapist is not recommending medication and has offered some tools for helping my daughter change her outlook, but it makes me so sad to see her missing out on a happy childhood. It feels pretty gloomy at my house sometimes, and my husband doesn’t get it, since he’s never dealt with depression. I wish I knew how to make a change.

Daughter won’t accept ‘no,’ harasses mom
by Mary Follin and Erika Guerrero
​Read on Fredericksburg Parent & Family magazine

​THE PROBLEM: My eight-year-old daughter won’t take ‘no’ for an answer. Every time I don’t give her what she wants, she starts negotiating with me. (She’s eight.) She’s never rude or whiny, and she doesn’t beg. She just follows me around, hammering with me all the reasons I should change my mind. The conversations are civil, but they always make me feel like I’m defending myself; she can be pretty aggressive with her tactics: talking fast, loud, not listening. I am embarrassed to admit, sometimes I cave in, just to get out of the conversation. Any ideas?

Son gets frustrated and cusses at mom
by Mary Follin and Erika Guerrero

THE PROBLEM: My son gets frustrated soooo easily. He’s eleven, but he’s always been like this. He gets impatient if he doesn’t know how to do something right away, and throws what I call a ‘mini-fit.’ He doesn’t throw tantrums anymore, but he stomps around, clenches his fits, grits his teeth, like he’s about to explode. Yesterday, when he was trying to unlock his bicycle and couldn’t get the numbers to line up, he shoved the bike over and said a bad word, aimed at me. He’s usually respectful toward me, but when he gets worked up like this, it surprises me how he cusses and acts like, well, a baby. I tell him treating his mother that way is not allowed, and he’s pretty good about apologizing, but I’d love some ideas on how to handle him when he gets in this mode. 

Mom over-praises daughter, daughter craves approval
by Mary Follin and Erika Guerrero
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THE PROBLEM: I’ve always been one to praise my daughter. I love her for who she is, and I want her to love herself, too. But I’m wondering if I’ve overdone it. She’s three now, and she constantly seeks my attention whenever she does any little thing. She has trouble playing by herself, since what seems to make her happiest is me telling her she’s done a good job! I know I need to get out of this cycle of praise, but I don’t know how to without disappointing her or making her feel bad about herself.

Afraid My Baby Will Grow Up Like Me
by Mary Follin and Kristi Crosson
Read on Fredericksburg Parent & Family magazine

THE PROBLEM: My childhood was the kind you want to forget. (Abuse, neglect, you name it.) I’ve been able to escape it, and by some miracle, I married a nice guy who treats me completely differently. Without going into detail, I still suffer residual fears, depression, and anxiety about what happened to me. It’s hard to describe, but it feels like my trauma is part of who I am. A few months ago, we had a beautiful baby daughter, and I cried when I saw how pure she was. I am terrified I will ruin her, and she will become just like me. I almost feel like she was born under an unlucky star to have me as a mother! I am desperate to not feel like this for my daughter’s sake. Please help.