ASK MOM: Son pits dad against mom, tries to get friends to ‘take sides’
by Mary Follin and Erika Guerrero
​Read more ASK MOM on Fredericksburg Parent & Family ​

THE PROBLEM: My middle son (he's 9) has a habit of ‘playing both ends against the middle.’ What I mean is, he tries to get people on his side. Like, when I tell him he can’t do something, he’ll go tell his dad I said ‘no.’ Sometimes, his dad supports my decision, but other times, I get an earful from my husband about why I should say ‘yes.’ My husband will even overturn my decision on occasion, which I feel undermines my authority. We were in the car the other day and my son asked if he could play video games and I said: “Not now. Why don’t you look at the beautiful fall leaves for a while?” Then my son said: “Dad, can I?” And my husband said “Sure.” I know this is a parenting issue between us, but I see my son telling one friend what another said or trying to get one sibling to gang up with him against the other, so it’s not just with us. Any ideas?

"Bad Mom" Suffers Extreme Mom Guilt
by Mary Follin and Erika Guerrero
​Read more ASK MOM on Fredericksburg Parent & Family ​

THE PROBLEM: I feel like a bad mom. I can never keep up with things—school lunches, laundry, getting dinner on the table—all the normal stuff I should be able to take care of. To look at my household, you would think I had a bunch of kids, but I only have three (twelve, nine, and six). And to top everything off, they’re squabbling all the time, so there’s always a bit of chaos in my home. My neighbor has eight children, and her house runs like a top. My husband works and I stay home with the kids, so I know I SHOULD be able to get everything done. My mom says I should have the kids help out more (and she’s right), but it’s always a battle to get them to do anything, and I don’t have time to fool with it. What’s wrong with me?

Mom Worries About Sensitive Son, Thinks He's Too Fragile
by Mary Follin and Erika Guerrero
​​Read more ASK MOM on Fredericksburg Parent & Family ​

THE PROBLEM: My (9 yo) son is extremely sensitive, which is one of the things I love about him. He always considers other people’s feelings and never wants to see anyone get hurt. He’s so sweet! But sometimes, I think he’s toosensitive, bordering on fragile. Every time something happens to somebody (or an animal), he gets so upset. He’s like that about himself, too. If someone says something unkind to him (which doesn’t happen often), his eyes fill with tears. He’s always been like this, but it’s gotten heavier for him as he’s gotten older and more aware of all the terrible things going on in the world. How can I help him become less susceptible to other people’s struggles without breaking his spirit?

Kid Upset by Change, Frustrated Mom Tired of Tantrums
by Mary Follin and Erika Guerrero
Read more ASK MOM on Fredericksburg Parent & Family ​

THE PROBLEM: My child gets upset when his routine is disrupted. That was okay when he was little, since his dad and I had a lot of control over how his day would go. But now he’s 11, and he still throws a fit every time we have to do something unexpected, like take him to the doctor or make a quick trip to the grocery store. We both work from home, so we’re able to work around him and take turns doing things we need to get done. And yes, we do everything in our power to give him advance notice of activities, but that’s not always possible. Plus, we have no control over his school day. I’m losing patience here!

Depressed Teen Tries Out for School Play and Doesn't Make It
by Mary Follin and Erika Guerrero
Read more ASK MOM on Fredericksburg Parent & Family ​

THE PROBLEM: My 14 yo son has struggled with depression since he was 9, and for whatever reason, nothing seems to work out for him. He tried out for the school play and didn’t make it, which has put him in a pretty dark mood; it was something he was actually excited about. It’s hard for him to make friends, and he’s not a real joiner, so he’s by himself a lot. His dad does stuff with him all the time (he’s a wonderful father), but a kid needs to be with his peers, too. I have to admit, I’m sad most of the time these days, thinking about how hard things are for him. I guess one good thing is that he feels he can talk to me and my husband, but we don’t always know what to tell him. And yes, he’s in counseling.  ​

Mom obsessively worries about her kids, can't get comfortable
by Mary Follin and Erika Guerrero
Read more ASK MOM on Fredericksburg Parent & Family ​

THE PROBLEM: I’m always worried about my children. I have four of them, so I’ve got plenty to worry about. I keep expecting to get a phone call from the school, telling me something bad has happened, or imagining one of them riding their bike and getting hit by a car. I can never really relax. My oldest was very sick as a baby so we spent a lot of time at the hospital. Every time we drove up to the building, I would get all sweaty and nervous. He’s doing okay now, but I can’t seem to get over it, and it’s playing out through this chronic worry I have about all my kids. (At least I’ve figured that out!) Suggestions on how to change this are welcome. ​

Toddler has anxiety, mom at wit's end
by Mary Follin and Erika Guerrero
Read more ASK MOM on Fredericksburg Parent & Family ​

THE PROBLEM: My three-year old daughter has been diagnosed with anxiety. Her doctor says he is seeing anxiety and depression show up in earlier years than ever before. Why is this? We do everything we can to make her feel safe. My husband and I tell her we love her all the time, we let her choose the things she likes (within reason), and we don’t let her watch scary shows. Anytime she’s upset, we try and soothe her and talk her through it, as best as one can with a three-year-old. Her anxiety shows up in temper tantrums and fearful crying, so we’re constantly feeling on thin ice with her, anticipating what might upset her and trying to avoid it. She’s afraid to be alone in her room, so she sleeps with us, which doesn’t make for the best night’s sleep for any of us. Help!

Son picks on younger sibling, mom worried about psychological impact
by Mary Follin and Erika Guerrero
​Read more ASK MOM on Fredericksburg Parent & Family ​

THE PROBLEM: My older son (14) picks on his little brother (9). It’s not out-and-out bullying, just belittling remarks, like, “I see you have your shirt on backwards again, dummy.” I’m worried about this because their father isn’t in the picture, and I’m afraid my little one won’t have a male role model to look up to. (I think that’s partly what’s going on with my older son.) I have two other children (daughters), and he’s actually pretty nice to them most of the time. So not only is my youngest getting picked on, he’s also getting left out. I don’t know what to do.

Daughter won't do what she's told, mom sick of it
​by Mary Follin and Erika Guerrero
​Read more ASK MOM on Fredericksburg Parent & Family ​

THE PROBLEM: My daughter (she’s 11), will never do what I tell her to do. I’m not particularly demanding, but if I ask her to set the table for dinner, she says “OK,” then nothing happens. I typically have to cajole her to get something done, and when she still doesn’t move, I end up threatening her with some kind of punishment. At that point I’m usually yelling, and it’s a pretty bad scene. I’m sick of this. I’ve gotten to the point where I do things myself rather than go to battle with her. There’s a lot of tension between us because of this.

by Mary Follin and Erika Guerrero
Read more ASK MOM on Fredericksburg Parent & Family
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THE PROBLEM: I often think my youngest (8 yo) child seems overwhelmed living at our house. We’re a close family, but a loud one. My husband and I have seven kids, two dogs, and a guinea pig, and pandemonium reigns. We all love it, except for my little one. He’s always been quiet and shy, but it’s gotten to the point where he hardly talks at all. He’s got a really good friend that he spends a lot of time with, but I wish he were more comfortable at home.

Daughter Always Has to Be Right, Turning into Know-It-All
by Mary Follin and Erika Guerrero
Read more ASK MOM on Fredericksburg Parent & Family
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THE PROBLEM: My 14 yo daughter is a know-it-all. I wish I could say something nicer than that, but she’s getting on my last nerve. Whenever anybody tells her anything, she says: “I already knew that,” even if she clearly didn’t. But even worse, she’ll add a detail to make sure everybody sees she knows more than they do. When she’s got her facts mixed up, she’ll have some vague excuse, which always circles back around to her being right. Even though I say it bugs me, it actually makes me sad. Her needing to be right is off-putting not just to me, but to her brother and her friends, too.

THE PROBLEM: I’m afraid my son is addicted to video games. He’s twelve, and he’s a sweet boy, but he only seems to be truly happy when he’s playing his favorite video game. I do limit the time he spends on screens at home (one hour a day), but I have no control over what he does at other kids’ homes. Sometimes, he sneaks a few hours when I’m not home (he admits this!), but I don’t want to over-dramatize the situation by locking his game up (or removing a cable) when I leave the house. I am at a loss as to what to do.

Mom tired of son blaming everybody but himself
by Mary Follin and Erika Guerrero
​Read on Fredericksburg Parent & Family magazine ​ ​
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THE PROBLEM: My son (9 yo) has a bad habit of blaming people. (He blames our dog, too, if something gets knocked over or eaten.) He’s constantly ‘telling’ on his two sisters, and it doesn’t matter WHO did WHAT, I can never get a straight story from him. It’s always their fault. His teacher is also the ‘bad guy,’ and ‘everybody is always picking on him.’ The worst is during games, when ‘the coach never lets him play,’ or ‘James missed that fly ball and lost the game,’ even though the ball clearly landed practically at my son’s feet. I’m in a weird spot when I try to address this, because I feel like I’m constantly pointing out how my son is at fault, which isn’t helpful. I’m a little stuck here.

Divorce makes daughter angry, mom gets the blame
by Mary Follin and Erika Guerrero
Read on Fredericksburg Parent & Family magazine ​

​THE PROBLEM: My (14 yo) daughter blames me for divorcing her father. I guess that makes sense (because I did), but I assure you I had good reasons for doing so. Since I don’t want to make ex-husband out to be the bad guy, I avoid putting him down in front of her. She can’t understand why I would break up our family, when ‘Dad’ is such a sweet guy. She says she never thought she would come from a broken family, and now here she is. I don’t think I need to tell you how guilty I feel about this, even though I am confident I did the right thing. I know there is no easy answer, but ideas would be helpful.

Child is depressed and mom feels guilty about it
by Mary Follin and Erika Guerrero
Read on Fredericksburg Parent & Family magazine ​

THE PROBLEM: My child is unhappy. I’ve taken her to a doctor to check for depression, and she does have it. (She’s 8 yo.) Something about that depresses me, like I’m responsible for her feeling that way. (Depression runs in my family, and I’ve had my own share of it.) Her therapist is not recommending medication and has offered some tools for helping my daughter change her outlook, but it makes me so sad to see her missing out on a happy childhood. It feels pretty gloomy at my house sometimes, and my husband doesn’t get it, since he’s never dealt with depression. I wish I knew how to make a change.

Daughter won’t accept ‘no,’ harasses mom
by Mary Follin and Erika Guerrero
​Read on Fredericksburg Parent & Family magazine

​THE PROBLEM: My eight-year-old daughter won’t take ‘no’ for an answer. Every time I don’t give her what she wants, she starts negotiating with me. (She’s eight.) She’s never rude or whiny, and she doesn’t beg. She just follows me around, hammering with me all the reasons I should change my mind. The conversations are civil, but they always make me feel like I’m defending myself; she can be pretty aggressive with her tactics: talking fast, loud, not listening. I am embarrassed to admit, sometimes I cave in, just to get out of the conversation. Any ideas?

Son gets frustrated and cusses at mom
by Mary Follin and Erika Guerrero

THE PROBLEM: My son gets frustrated soooo easily. He’s eleven, but he’s always been like this. He gets impatient if he doesn’t know how to do something right away, and throws what I call a ‘mini-fit.’ He doesn’t throw tantrums anymore, but he stomps around, clenches his fits, grits his teeth, like he’s about to explode. Yesterday, when he was trying to unlock his bicycle and couldn’t get the numbers to line up, he shoved the bike over and said a bad word, aimed at me. He’s usually respectful toward me, but when he gets worked up like this, it surprises me how he cusses and acts like, well, a baby. I tell him treating his mother that way is not allowed, and he’s pretty good about apologizing, but I’d love some ideas on how to handle him when he gets in this mode. 

Mom over-praises daughter, daughter craves approval
by Mary Follin and Erika Guerrero
Read on Fredericksburg Parent & Family magazine

THE PROBLEM: I’ve always been one to praise my daughter. I love her for who she is, and I want her to love herself, too. But I’m wondering if I’ve overdone it. She’s three now, and she constantly seeks my attention whenever she does any little thing. She has trouble playing by herself, since what seems to make her happiest is me telling her she’s done a good job! I know I need to get out of this cycle of praise, but I don’t know how to without disappointing her or making her feel bad about herself.

Afraid My Baby Will Grow Up Like Me
by Mary Follin and Kristi Crosson
Read on Fredericksburg Parent & Family magazine

THE PROBLEM: My childhood was the kind you want to forget. (Abuse, neglect, you name it.) I’ve been able to escape it, and by some miracle, I married a nice guy who treats me completely differently. Without going into detail, I still suffer residual fears, depression, and anxiety about what happened to me. It’s hard to describe, but it feels like my trauma is part of who I am. A few months ago, we had a beautiful baby daughter, and I cried when I saw how pure she was. I am terrified I will ruin her, and she will become just like me. I almost feel like she was born under an unlucky star to have me as a mother! I am desperate to not feel like this for my daughter’s sake. Please help.

Impulsive daughter can’t stop hurting other children’s feelings
by Mary Follin and Erika Guerrero
Read on Fredericksburg Parent & Family
THE PROBLEM: My seven-year-old daughter has a bad habit of blurting out inappropriate things. She’ll say stuff like: “Johnny doesn’t like you,” or “We don’t want to play with you.” I know these comments sound mean (and they are!), but she’s not a bully. She’s actually a very caring little girl. It’s just that there are times she can’t help saying what’s on her mind at the moment. When she does this, she always regrets it later. She has a sweet group of friends, and they are consistently surprised at the things she says. She even asked me once why she couldn’t stop herself. I suggested she try and think before she speaks, but she doesn’t seem to be able to remember to. Any ideas?

Son Turning into Hypochondriac
by Mary Follin and Kristi Crosson
Read on Fredericksburg Parent & Family magazine

​THE PROBLEM: Ever since the pandemic started, my 11-year old son ‘catches’ everything he reads about. He gets stomachaches, headaches, sore throats—any symptom he can think of. And each time, he’s sure it’s something deadly. He sings ‘Happy Birthday’ when he washes his hands, sometimes twice, just to make sure. (I even suggested he sing a different song to help him ease up on the compulsion, but he won’t.) I’m scared he’s becoming a hypochondriac. He can’t seem to stop thinking about his health. I keep telling him he’s fine, but that doesn’t work. I need ideas!

Son gets left out at recess, breaks mom's heart.
by Mary Follin and Erika Guerrero
Read in Fredericksburg Parent & Family Magazine ​

THE PROBLEM: My fifth-grade son is having a hard time making friends this year. He had two good friends in his class in third grade, but they lost touch during the pandemic. Unfortunately, neither of the two boys returned to his school this year, so he’s starting all over again, which isn’t easy for him. He’s actually a good friend. Once he has a friend or two, he’s happy, and his friends seem to like him. It’s just that finding a new friend is hard for him. The other day I was driving by the school when the kids were out at recess, and my son was wandering around by himself, watching a couple of groups, but not joining in. I wish I didn’t feel so bad about it, but I do. I had a couple of ‘lonely’ years as a kid, and I hate watching him go through it. 

Spoiled daughter turns nose up at gifts, makes mom feel bad in front of family

by Mary Follin and Erika Guerrero
Read in Fredericksburg Parent & Family Magazine
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THE PROBLEM: After this gift-giving season, I can see I need to do something about my daughter’s attitude toward gifts (she’s 4). Every time she opened a gift, she tossed it aside, looking for the next one, unless it was over-the-top spectacular, like the princess playhouse she got. Telling her to say ‘thank you’ felt perfunctory, like a chore. I felt awful when she expressed disappointment, especially when the giver was sitting right there. Telling her to feel differently didn’t work. She just said something nicer, prompted by me. It was sort of a joke at our family gathering that my daughter actually ‘liked’ something she got from them. I appreciate my siblings all having a sense of humor about it, but I don’t know how to encourage my daughter to feel differently.

My Daughter Repulses Other Kids
by Mary Follin and Kristi Crosson
Read on Fredericksburg Parent & Family Magazine

THE PROBLEM: My daughter is desperate for a friend—even ONE friend would do—but every time another child pays attention to her (which is rare), my daughter does something to make herself as annoying as possible, like starting these odd clinging behaviors. And by clinging, I mean following kids around and talking nonsense. She might get stuck on a knock-knock joke, or a silly song, and most kids don’t know how to respond. She even reverts to baby talk when the other child ignores her. I’ve seen this happen before, but now her (third grade) teacher is bringing it to my attention, too. What really makes me sad is that my daughter is so sweet—and loyal—and would make a wonderful friend if she could only get through the awkward stage of getting to know somebody.

Daughter assumes the worst, turning into negative person
by Mary Follin and Erika Guerrero

THE PROBLEM: I am worried about my daughter (15 yo), who always expects the worst. She has a long list of things she’s sure isn’t going to happen, like getting invited to a party, doing well on a test, making the team. The thing is, these things do usually happen for her, she just doesn’t seem to remember it the next time around. She says she likes to “keep her expectations low so she doesn’t end up disappointed.” I heard her tell one of her friends that “the new teachers are probably all going to be bad this year because there’s a shortage of teachers.” I’m pretty sure she made that up! I’m not sure how to help her see this because she’s doing well in school, has lots of friends, and seems to have a pretty good self-esteem. Nothing is really wrong, it just makes me sad, watching her turn into a pessimist.