Divorce makes daughter angry, mom gets the blame
by Mary Follin and Erika Guerrero
Read on Fredericksburg Parent & Family magazine ​

​THE PROBLEM: My (14 yo) daughter blames me for divorcing her father. I guess that makes sense (because I did), but I assure you I had good reasons for doing so. Since I don’t want to make ex-husband out to be the bad guy, I avoid putting him down in front of her. She can’t understand why I would break up our family, when ‘Dad’ is such a sweet guy. She says she never thought she would come from a broken family, and now here she is. I don’t think I need to tell you how guilty I feel about this, even though I am confident I did the right thing. I know there is no easy answer, but ideas would be helpful.

Child is depressed and mom feels guilty about it
by Mary Follin and Erika Guerrero
Read on Fredericksburg Parent & Family magazine ​

THE PROBLEM: My child is unhappy. I’ve taken her to a doctor to check for depression, and she does have it. (She’s 8 yo.) Something about that depresses me, like I’m responsible for her feeling that way. (Depression runs in my family, and I’ve had my own share of it.) Her therapist is not recommending medication and has offered some tools for helping my daughter change her outlook, but it makes me so sad to see her missing out on a happy childhood. It feels pretty gloomy at my house sometimes, and my husband doesn’t get it, since he’s never dealt with depression. I wish I knew how to make a change.

Daughter won’t accept ‘no,’ harasses mom
by Mary Follin and Erika Guerrero
​Read on Fredericksburg Parent & Family magazine

​THE PROBLEM: My eight-year-old daughter won’t take ‘no’ for an answer. Every time I don’t give her what she wants, she starts negotiating with me. (She’s eight.) She’s never rude or whiny, and she doesn’t beg. She just follows me around, hammering with me all the reasons I should change my mind. The conversations are civil, but they always make me feel like I’m defending myself; she can be pretty aggressive with her tactics: talking fast, loud, not listening. I am embarrassed to admit, sometimes I cave in, just to get out of the conversation. Any ideas?

Son gets frustrated and cusses at mom
by Mary Follin and Erika Guerrero

THE PROBLEM: My son gets frustrated soooo easily. He’s eleven, but he’s always been like this. He gets impatient if he doesn’t know how to do something right away, and throws what I call a ‘mini-fit.’ He doesn’t throw tantrums anymore, but he stomps around, clenches his fits, grits his teeth, like he’s about to explode. Yesterday, when he was trying to unlock his bicycle and couldn’t get the numbers to line up, he shoved the bike over and said a bad word, aimed at me. He’s usually respectful toward me, but when he gets worked up like this, it surprises me how he cusses and acts like, well, a baby. I tell him treating his mother that way is not allowed, and he’s pretty good about apologizing, but I’d love some ideas on how to handle him when he gets in this mode. 

Mom over-praises daughter, daughter craves approval
by Mary Follin and Erika Guerrero
Read on Fredericksburg Parent & Family magazine

THE PROBLEM: I’ve always been one to praise my daughter. I love her for who she is, and I want her to love herself, too. But I’m wondering if I’ve overdone it. She’s three now, and she constantly seeks my attention whenever she does any little thing. She has trouble playing by herself, since what seems to make her happiest is me telling her she’s done a good job! I know I need to get out of this cycle of praise, but I don’t know how to without disappointing her or making her feel bad about herself.

Afraid My Baby Will Grow Up Like Me
by Mary Follin and Kristi Crosson
Read on Fredericksburg Parent & Family magazine

THE PROBLEM: My childhood was the kind you want to forget. (Abuse, neglect, you name it.) I’ve been able to escape it, and by some miracle, I married a nice guy who treats me completely differently. Without going into detail, I still suffer residual fears, depression, and anxiety about what happened to me. It’s hard to describe, but it feels like my trauma is part of who I am. A few months ago, we had a beautiful baby daughter, and I cried when I saw how pure she was. I am terrified I will ruin her, and she will become just like me. I almost feel like she was born under an unlucky star to have me as a mother! I am desperate to not feel like this for my daughter’s sake. Please help.

Impulsive daughter can’t stop hurting other children’s feelings
by Mary Follin and Erika Guerrero
Read on Fredericksburg Parent & Family
THE PROBLEM: My seven-year-old daughter has a bad habit of blurting out inappropriate things. She’ll say stuff like: “Johnny doesn’t like you,” or “We don’t want to play with you.” I know these comments sound mean (and they are!), but she’s not a bully. She’s actually a very caring little girl. It’s just that there are times she can’t help saying what’s on her mind at the moment. When she does this, she always regrets it later. She has a sweet group of friends, and they are consistently surprised at the things she says. She even asked me once why she couldn’t stop herself. I suggested she try and think before she speaks, but she doesn’t seem to be able to remember to. Any ideas?

Son Turning into Hypochondriac
by Mary Follin and Kristi Crosson
Read on Fredericksburg Parent & Family magazine

​THE PROBLEM: Ever since the pandemic started, my 11-year old son ‘catches’ everything he reads about. He gets stomachaches, headaches, sore throats—any symptom he can think of. And each time, he’s sure it’s something deadly. He sings ‘Happy Birthday’ when he washes his hands, sometimes twice, just to make sure. (I even suggested he sing a different song to help him ease up on the compulsion, but he won’t.) I’m scared he’s becoming a hypochondriac. He can’t seem to stop thinking about his health. I keep telling him he’s fine, but that doesn’t work. I need ideas!

Son gets left out at recess, breaks mom's heart.
by Mary Follin and Erika Guerrero
Read in Fredericksburg Parent & Family Magazine ​

THE PROBLEM: My fifth-grade son is having a hard time making friends this year. He had two good friends in his class in third grade, but they lost touch during the pandemic. Unfortunately, neither of the two boys returned to his school this year, so he’s starting all over again, which isn’t easy for him. He’s actually a good friend. Once he has a friend or two, he’s happy, and his friends seem to like him. It’s just that finding a new friend is hard for him. The other day I was driving by the school when the kids were out at recess, and my son was wandering around by himself, watching a couple of groups, but not joining in. I wish I didn’t feel so bad about it, but I do. I had a couple of ‘lonely’ years as a kid, and I hate watching him go through it. 

Spoiled daughter turns nose up at gifts, makes mom feel bad in front of family

by Mary Follin and Erika Guerrero
Read in Fredericksburg Parent & Family Magazine
​
THE PROBLEM: After this gift-giving season, I can see I need to do something about my daughter’s attitude toward gifts (she’s 4). Every time she opened a gift, she tossed it aside, looking for the next one, unless it was over-the-top spectacular, like the princess playhouse she got. Telling her to say ‘thank you’ felt perfunctory, like a chore. I felt awful when she expressed disappointment, especially when the giver was sitting right there. Telling her to feel differently didn’t work. She just said something nicer, prompted by me. It was sort of a joke at our family gathering that my daughter actually ‘liked’ something she got from them. I appreciate my siblings all having a sense of humor about it, but I don’t know how to encourage my daughter to feel differently.

My Daughter Repulses Other Kids
by Mary Follin and Kristi Crosson
Read on Fredericksburg Parent & Family Magazine

THE PROBLEM: My daughter is desperate for a friend—even ONE friend would do—but every time another child pays attention to her (which is rare), my daughter does something to make herself as annoying as possible, like starting these odd clinging behaviors. And by clinging, I mean following kids around and talking nonsense. She might get stuck on a knock-knock joke, or a silly song, and most kids don’t know how to respond. She even reverts to baby talk when the other child ignores her. I’ve seen this happen before, but now her (third grade) teacher is bringing it to my attention, too. What really makes me sad is that my daughter is so sweet—and loyal—and would make a wonderful friend if she could only get through the awkward stage of getting to know somebody.

Daughter assumes the worst, turning into negative person
by Mary Follin and Erika Guerrero

THE PROBLEM: I am worried about my daughter (15 yo), who always expects the worst. She has a long list of things she’s sure isn’t going to happen, like getting invited to a party, doing well on a test, making the team. The thing is, these things do usually happen for her, she just doesn’t seem to remember it the next time around. She says she likes to “keep her expectations low so she doesn’t end up disappointed.” I heard her tell one of her friends that “the new teachers are probably all going to be bad this year because there’s a shortage of teachers.” I’m pretty sure she made that up! I’m not sure how to help her see this because she’s doing well in school, has lots of friends, and seems to have a pretty good self-esteem. Nothing is really wrong, it just makes me sad, watching her turn into a pessimist. 

Read in Fredericksburg Parent & Family Magazine

THE PROBLEM: I’m a little afraid of my five-year-old son. Okay, maybe that’s an exaggeration, but whenever I need to tell him he can’t do something, he gets extremely agitated, to the point where he’s red in the face. And he gets soooo angry at me! Too often, I give in. When I’m honest with myself, I realize I’m being overindulgent, but I can’t stand when he has these meltdowns. I feel like I’m walking on thin ice all the time. (Btw, It’s worse with me. My husband is better at being firm.) I know the obvious solution is to not give in so much, but I don’t seem to be able to do that. I hate to see him so unhappy.

Son doesn’t like change, throws fits when getting hair cut
by Mary Follin and Erika Guerrero

THE PROBLEM: My 7-year-old son can’t stand change. I’m not talking about moving to a new school, it’s more like him throwing a fit when he has to run an errand with me, leave a friend’s house, or even get a haircut. To everybody else, it looks like he’s unhappy all the time, but he’s not. He just has trouble adjusting to something new. And when he does experience bigger transitions, like getting a new teacher or a friend moves away, he becomes very fearful and hammers me with questions: “Why do I need a new teacher? Is my old teacher ever coming back? What if I don’t like the new teacher? What if she hates me?” Lately he’s begun biting his nails until they bleed and will even go to bed in the middle of the day when he’s confronted with something he’s unfamiliar with. Other than that, he’s fine! He’s a good student and has a lot of friends. It just seems to be this one thing.

Helicopter Mom Feels Sick About It
by Mary Follin and Erika Guerrero
Read more ASK MOM advice on Fredericksburg Parent & Family Magazine.

THE PROBLEM: I’m looking for help with the anxiety I have about my children. I have two, ages 5 and 9, and when I recently read an article about being a ‘helicopter mom,’ I felt sick. I check all the boxes. I can’t stop telling my kids what to do so they can get an advantage (e.g., talk to your teachers after school so they like you), I’m constantly warning them to avoid anything that has risk involved, and I feel uncomfortable if I don’t know what their homework is every day. (I always check to make sure they do it, even if I have to push, prod, and—I’m ashamed to admit it—do some of it for them.) These are just examples, but my husband will tell you, it’s constant. The only time I don’t feel slightly on edge is when I hear good news about one of my kids. I know it’s unhealthy, but how do I get out of it?

by Mary Follin and Erika Guerrero
Read More ASK MOM advice in Fredericksburg Parent & Family Magazine​ ​ ​ ​
THE PROBLEM: Whenever I say anything to my 11-year-old daughter, she either ignores me or rolls her eyes. I would never have done this to my mother, especially when I was that young, and I’m astounded my daughter is doing it to me. She resists practically everything I say, even if it’s obviously true. I hardly dare share an opinion with her, for fear of getting one of her looks. It’s bad enough at home, but it gets pretty embarrassing in front of other moms, my friends, and people I don’t even know. I’m sad to say this, but my own feelings of self-worth are low, mostly because of how my daughter treats me. Any ideas would be appreciated.

Son has head in the clouds, steps into street
by Mary Follin and Erika Guerrero
Read More ASK MOM advice in Fredericksburg Parent & Family Magazine​ ​ ​ ​

THE PROBLEM: My son can’t get his head out of the clouds. (He’s 9.) He has a wonderful imagination and is always dreaming up big ideas, which is not the problem. I actually love that about him, and I tell him all the time. But so often, he seems far away. When he’s working on something, you can tell he’s daydreaming about something else. Like when I ask him to help around the house, he says ‘Sure!’. But then it takes him an hour to do something simple, like taking out the recycling. The worst is when he puts himself in danger, like when he doesn’t realize he’s stepping into a street. I know I need to help him with this, but I don’t know how.

Daughter Snubs Old Friends 
by Mary Follin and Erika Guerrero
Read More ASK MOM advice in Fredericksburg Parent & Family Magazine​ ​ ​ ​

​THE PROBLEM: Lately I’ve been alarmed at my daughter’s behavior toward three girls she’s been friends with for years. They are all now in fifth grade, and one of the more ‘popular’ girls in the class has started including my daughter in her group. It’s a tight-knit group, and apparently ‘too sophisticated’ for my daughter’s old friends, at least, that’s what my daughter says. It makes me so mad to hear her talk like that! I hate to see how much she is hurting her old friends, and I have to say, I’m surprised my daughter is acting like such a snob. 

Mom Friend Too Judgmental
by Mary Follin and Kristi Crosson
Read More ASK MOM advice in Fredericksburg Parent & Family Magazine​ ​ ​

​THE PROBLEM: It’s always been hard for me to make mom friends, and I finally got one. At first, I felt like we were kindred spirits. We worry about the same things and have the same sense of humor. But then, I began noticing that she always talks about other moms at the school and especially about their kids. Stuff like, “I can’t believe so-and-so tells her kid to call me by my first name,” and “Did you notice how so-and-so always wears yoga pants so everybody can see how skinny she is?” I’m not really into talking about other people like that, and it makes me uncomfortable. But I don’t want to lose a friend now that I finally found one.

Son Upset When Routine is Disrupted
by Mary Follin and Kristi Crosson
Read More ASK MOM advice in Fredericksburg Parent & Family Magazine​ ​
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THE PROBLEM: When my son was a baby, we kept him on a tight schedule—naps, feedings, visits etc.—and he seemed to do very well. But now that he’s six (almost seven), he is still wants everything to happen a certain way—get up at the same time, eat the same breakfast, brush his teeth (toothbrush has to be green), and walk the same way to the bus stop, even though there are lots of ways to get there. I wouldn’t be so concerned except that he gets anxious when we disrupt his routine, which is a problem because there are a lot of things we can’t control. He’s always asking: “What are we doing next?” so he can prepare by adding it to his schedule. We’ve had him tested for any psychological issues, and he apparently falls within the norm. It just doesn’t seem normal to me.

Am I Raising a Bully?
by Mary Follin and Kristi Crosson
Read More ASK MOM advice in Fredericksburg Parent & Family Magazine​ ​

THE PROBLEM: My oldest son (11 yo) is mean to his younger brother and sister. He calls each of them a derogatory nickname and constantly makes fun of them. He even shoves them a little when he walks by them, and it breaks my heart to see the two younger ones cut a wide swathe when they pass him in the hall or on the stairs. I am really, really scared about this. I don’t know where he learned that this kind of behavior was okay, but now that he’s older (and bigger), it’s gotten even worse. My husband gets angry and yells at him, but I try and ask him nicely to be kinder. I’m worried about him. He seems so angry and spends a lot of time in his room, alone.

MARY SAYS: While everyone in your household sounds as though they’re walking on eggshells around your son, I would suggest that he is the one who is the most unhappy about it. His behavior points to depression or something else that needs a professional checkup. Please seek counseling for this situation immediately.

Child Desperate Not to Go Back to School
by Mary Follin and Kristi Crosson
Read More ASK MOM advice in Fredericksburg Parent & Family Magazine​
​THE PROBLEM: My 9-year-old son has always hated going to school. He’s awkward in a group, and he pretty much keeps to himself when he can. He LOVED the pandemic. I don’t mean to sound dismissive, but when I heard about kids getting depressed because they couldn’t go to school, I couldn’t help but think how much I would love my kid to feel that way. He was thrilled to stay home, glued to his laptop all day. He’s an outstanding student, and he really excelled in an online learning environment. He’s just so introverted around other kids, and he keeps begging me to let him go to online school permanently. I’m not quite sure what to do, except I feel strongly he needs to go to school so he can learn to be around other kids.

MARY SAYS: Your son has spent the last 18 months experiencing a new way to live. He’s been working largely on his own and doesn’t have to get out of bed every morning before dark. He’s had no commute, doesn’t need to worry if he’s dressed ‘cool’ enough, can socialize when he wants to, and stay home when he doesn’t. He’s got no interest in going back to the way things used to be

My Child is a Slob
by Mary Follin and Kristi Crosson
Read More ASK MOM advice in Fredericksburg Parent & Family Magazine​
THE PROBLEM: I am worried about my daughter’s ability to organize herself. She leaves a trail wherever she goes, and her room is a mess. It drives me crazy! She’s 13 and on medication for ADHD, but I still think she could do better. It’s one thing to be like this at home, but she’s all over the place at school, too. (Late getting there, late homework assignments, messy locker, etc.) I admit I nag her too much, but I’m not sure what else to do. Sometimes I clean up after her, but she gets mad when I do. To be honest, I resent it, too. 

MARY SAYS: From a 30,000 foot view, the young lady you’ve described here sounds like a pretty typical teen. Adolescent bodies change at a rapid rate and something’s got to give. Keep in mind your daughter is navigating her teen years with a wildcard thrown in—ADHD. The energy it takes to manage raging hormones—and their evil twin, roller coaster emotions—leaves few reserves for cleaning one’s room or organizing school notebooks with a different colored tab for each subject.

Daughter is Mean to Her Friends
by Mary Follin and Kristi Crosson

​THE PROBLEM: I’m worried about my daughter and how she treats her friends. (She’s 11.) When they tell her something about themselves, she tries to make it seem less-than-spectacular. Like, when her friend Megan won a prize at school, my daughter said, “I heard they just gave it to someone to help with their self-esteem.” Or when her long-time friend, Sylvie, got a new haircut, my daughter told her she might like it better when it grows out. Her comments aren’t totally mean, and sometimes her friends don’t see what she’s doing. But I do, and I don’t like it. Ideas would be appreciated.

THE PROBLEM: Everybody else seems to be better at “momming” than me. They all volunteer at the school, their kids always look so clean and neat, and when the pandemic hit, somehow, they all figured out how to do the online school thing. I know, I know, it’s not EVERYBODY. But a lot of them. One thing I liked about the pandemic was that I didn’t have to talk to other parents. Every time I do, I walk away thinking they were insinuating something about me. I’ve got 3 kids and 2 jobs, and my husband is out of work. I hate that I can’t create an ideal childhood for my kids, because I love them so much. But everybody else seems to manage. What’s wrong with me?