Son gets frustrated and cusses at mom
by Mary Follin and Erika Guerrero THE PROBLEM: My son gets frustrated soooo easily. He’s eleven, but he’s always been like this. He gets impatient if he doesn’t know how to do something right away, and throws what I call a ‘mini-fit.’ He doesn’t throw tantrums anymore, but he stomps around, clenches his fits, grits his teeth, like he’s about to explode. Yesterday, when he was trying to unlock his bicycle and couldn’t get the numbers to line up, he shoved the bike over and said a bad word, aimed at me. He’s usually respectful toward me, but when he gets worked up like this, it surprises me how he cusses and acts like, well, a baby. I tell him treating his mother that way is not allowed, and he’s pretty good about apologizing, but I’d love some ideas on how to handle him when he gets in this mode.
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Mom over-praises daughter, daughter craves approval
by Mary Follin and Erika Guerrero Read on Fredericksburg Parent & Family magazine THE PROBLEM: I’ve always been one to praise my daughter. I love her for who she is, and I want her to love herself, too. But I’m wondering if I’ve overdone it. She’s three now, and she constantly seeks my attention whenever she does any little thing. She has trouble playing by herself, since what seems to make her happiest is me telling her she’s done a good job! I know I need to get out of this cycle of praise, but I don’t know how to without disappointing her or making her feel bad about herself.
Afraid My Baby Will Grow Up Like Me
by Mary Follin and Kristi Crosson Read more ASK MOM advice. THE PROBLEM: My childhood was the kind you want to forget. (Abuse, neglect, you name it.) I’ve been able to escape it, and by some miracle, I married a nice guy who treats me completely differently. Without going into detail, I still suffer residual fears, depression, and anxiety about what happened to me. It’s hard to describe, but it feels like my trauma is part of who I am. A few months ago, we had a beautiful baby daughter, and I cried when I saw how pure she was. I am terrified I will ruin her, and she will become just like me. I almost feel like she was born under an unlucky star to have me as a mother! I am desperate to not feel like this for my daughter’s sake. Please help.
Impulsive daughter can’t stop hurting other children’s feelings
by Mary Follin and Erika Guerrero Read on Fredericksburg Parent & Family THE PROBLEM: My seven-year-old daughter has a bad habit of blurting out inappropriate things. She’ll say stuff like: “Johnny doesn’t like you,” or “We don’t want to play with you.” I know these comments sound mean (and they are!), but she’s not a bully. She’s actually a very caring little girl. It’s just that there are times she can’t help saying what’s on her mind at the moment. When she does this, she always regrets it later. She has a sweet group of friends, and they are consistently surprised at the things she says. She even asked me once why she couldn’t stop herself. I suggested she try and think before she speaks, but she doesn’t seem to be able to remember to. Any ideas?
Son Turning into Hypochondriac
by Mary Follin and Kristi Crosson Read on Fredericksburg Parent & Family magazine THE PROBLEM: Ever since the pandemic started, my 11-year old son ‘catches’ everything he reads about. He gets stomachaches, headaches, sore throats—any symptom he can think of. And each time, he’s sure it’s something deadly. He sings ‘Happy Birthday’ when he washes his hands, sometimes twice, just to make sure. (I even suggested he sing a different song to help him ease up on the compulsion, but he won’t.) I’m scared he’s becoming a hypochondriac. He can’t seem to stop thinking about his health. I keep telling him he’s fine, but that doesn’t work. I need ideas!
Son gets left out at recess, breaks mom's heart.
by Mary Follin and Erika Guerrero Read in Fredericksburg Parent & Family Magazine THE PROBLEM: My fifth-grade son is having a hard time making friends this year. He had two good friends in his class in third grade, but they lost touch during the pandemic. Unfortunately, neither of the two boys returned to his school this year, so he’s starting all over again, which isn’t easy for him. He’s actually a good friend. Once he has a friend or two, he’s happy, and his friends seem to like him. It’s just that finding a new friend is hard for him. The other day I was driving by the school when the kids were out at recess, and my son was wandering around by himself, watching a couple of groups, but not joining in. I wish I didn’t feel so bad about it, but I do. I had a couple of ‘lonely’ years as a kid, and I hate watching him go through it.
Spoiled daughter turns nose up at gifts, makes mom feel bad in front of family
by Mary Follin and Erika Guerrero Read in Fredericksburg Parent & Family Magazine THE PROBLEM: After this gift-giving season, I can see I need to do something about my daughter’s attitude toward gifts (she’s 4). Every time she opened a gift, she tossed it aside, looking for the next one, unless it was over-the-top spectacular, like the princess playhouse she got. Telling her to say ‘thank you’ felt perfunctory, like a chore. I felt awful when she expressed disappointment, especially when the giver was sitting right there. Telling her to feel differently didn’t work. She just said something nicer, prompted by me. It was sort of a joke at our family gathering that my daughter actually ‘liked’ something she got from them. I appreciate my siblings all having a sense of humor about it, but I don’t know how to encourage my daughter to feel differently.
My Daughter Repulses Other Kids
by Mary Follin and Kristi Crosson Read more ASK MOM advice. THE PROBLEM: My daughter is desperate for a friend—even ONE friend would do—but every time another child pays attention to her (which is rare), my daughter does something to make herself as annoying as possible, like starting these odd clinging behaviors. And by clinging, I mean following kids around and talking nonsense. She might get stuck on a knock-knock joke, or a silly song, and most kids don’t know how to respond. She even reverts to baby talk when the other child ignores her. I’ve seen this happen before, but now her (third grade) teacher is bringing it to my attention, too. What really makes me sad is that my daughter is so sweet—and loyal—and would make a wonderful friend if she could only get through the awkward stage of getting to know somebody.
Daughter assumes the worst, turning into negative person
by Mary Follin and Erika Guerrero THE PROBLEM: I am worried about my daughter (15 yo), who always expects the worst. She has a long list of things she’s sure isn’t going to happen, like getting invited to a party, doing well on a test, making the team. The thing is, these things do usually happen for her, she just doesn’t seem to remember it the next time around. She says she likes to “keep her expectations low so she doesn’t end up disappointed.” I heard her tell one of her friends that “the new teachers are probably all going to be bad this year because there’s a shortage of teachers.” I’m pretty sure she made that up! I’m not sure how to help her see this because she’s doing well in school, has lots of friends, and seems to have a pretty good self-esteem. Nothing is really wrong, it just makes me sad, watching her turn into a pessimist.
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Scared of 5-Year Old Son
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ABOUT MARY FOLLINMary is the author of TEACH YOUR CHILD TO READ and ETHYR, winner of the Moonbeam Children's Book Award and the Gertrude Warner Book Award. She is mom to two grown sons and enjoys sharing her more seasoned perspective with parents of younger children.
ABOUT Erika GuerreroErika Guerrero is a freelance hair and makeup artist, Erika K. Beauty, single-mama to one amazing boy, and author of She’s Not Shaken, a blog offering hope and encouragement to women in all walks of life.
ABOUT Suzanne JohnsonSuzanne Johnson, mother of five children and grandmother of eight, is an illustrator, book cover designer, and author of the Realms of Edenocht series.
ETHYR
M.P. Follin Gertrude Warner Book Award Moonbeam Children's Book Award An adventure for kids ages 8-12— especially if they like video games! ASK MOM Archives
May 2023
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