Read in Fredericksburg Parent & Family Magazine

THE PROBLEM: I’m a little afraid of my five-year-old son. Okay, maybe that’s an exaggeration, but whenever I need to tell him he can’t do something, he gets extremely agitated, to the point where he’s red in the face. And he gets soooo angry at me! Too often, I give in. When I’m honest with myself, I realize I’m being overindulgent, but I can’t stand when he has these meltdowns. I feel like I’m walking on thin ice all the time. (Btw, It’s worse with me. My husband is better at being firm.) I know the obvious solution is to not give in so much, but I don’t seem to be able to do that. I hate to see him so unhappy.

MARY SAYS: It’s not always easy to balance this dynamic. If we’re constantly telling our children ‘no,’ they’ll end up thinking the world is a tough place to navigate. But when parents let children have their way ALL the time, Junior takes charge, and the home becomes a battleground. Even worse, kids know when they’ve gained control, which can be a scary thing for a five-year-old. A tendency toward anxiety can emerge, which is most likely what you are seeing in your son.

If you really ‘hate to see him so unhappy,’ you need to change this unhealthy dance you’ve got going between the two of you. Take the helm, Mom. He desperately needs you to. Your son will have a hard time collaborating with other people if he doesn’t learn he can’t always get what he wants.

Furthermore, when children are little, their boundaries include their parents. To him, you are an extension of who he is. Because you’re letting your son mistreat YOU, you are showing him it’s okay when people mistreat HIM.

If you can’t figure out how to hold your ground with your son, please seek help. And watch how your husband manages your son. It sounds like he gets it, and with a little practice (and a firm resolve), you can, too.

KRISTI SAYS: Giving in is jus­­t feeding the cycle. While it’s difficult to see our children unhappy or having meltdowns, it’s better they hear ‘no’ now and learn how to deal with it. After all, what happens when your child gets used to having his way when he throws a tantrum?

I love the fact that actions always have natural consequences. I remember one time when my oldest was three I told him he needed to put away his toys before he pulled out new ones. He had a huge meltdown, threw his cars and trucks all over the place, flung himself to the floor and yelled, “I don’t like it!”

It was so dramatic! After taking a minute to breathe, I took away his toys for the rest of the day.

Goodbye Lightning McQueen, Mater, and Duplos. I put them in boxes and bins and stuffed them into his closet. I did bend a little and let him keep his lovey stuffed llama and a couple of books, but that was it.

Needless to say, he never did that again.

If your child pitches a fit when you say “no” and you give in, they’ll keep on doing it. But when “no” means “no,” they learn there’s a boundary they can’t cross. They will try and cross it, but the more often you remain strong, the less likely they’ll try.

For instance, if you are heading out to do something fun, and your son doesn’t clean up his room like you asked, the natural consequence would be to stay home. While it may be inconvenient for you, it teaches your child he can’t refuse to do as he’s told and get away with it.

ASK MOM offers parents two perspectives on today’s child-rearing issues—one from a mom with grown children (Mary), the other from a mom raising small children (Kristi). If you’re looking for creative solutions, or your mom isn’t around to ask, drop in! If you have a question for Mary and Kristi, we’d love to hear from you! askmomyourquestion@gmail.com
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Read more ASK MOM advice.

Learn about our online phonics program.

Misty Dance isn’t like anybody you ever met. She has licorice black hair, past her butt, but you wouldn’t know it because she wears it in a bun. Like an old lady, even though she’s only eleven, like me.

“Diamond,” my mom says. “Misty’s not real. She’s an imaginary friend.”

No, Mom. She’s real. 

I might as well tell you I’m acting all in a huff around my mom, and not just because she doesn’t believe me. We’re moving next week and I’m mad at everybody. I’m not exactly a genius at making friends, and now that I have one—if you count Misty—wouldn’t you know it, we have to move. 

People at school like me, but they don’t come find me at recess or anything. Standing by yourself on the blacktop, you have to act like you don’t care, which I’m pretty good at. Mom says I shouldn’t talk so much, and it might be easier for me. Making friends, I mean.
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“Other people need to talk, too,” she says. 

But I can’t help it. I got a lot to say. 

Mom thinks I made Misty up because of the move. She says I’m having a hard time with it, and I just need someone to talk to. Puh-lease. I’m way too old for invisible friends. Anyway, you’d have a hard time, too, if you looked like me. I’ve got mousy brown hair, sort of stick-out teeth, and if you like blue eyes, you would like mine. 

Me, I like brown. 

Sometimes, mostly when I look in the mirror, I wish I was somebody else. Like Emma Jackson. Emma’s the most popular girl in my class. She has curly hair that, like, cascades down her back.

But I digress. My dad says that a lot. He tells never-ending stories, then forgets which one he’s on and starts telling another one. You better pretend you have homework or you’re in for a long night. My brother, Stu, who’s two years younger than me, always says, “TMI, Dad, TMI.” My brother also says things like “easy peezy, lemon squeezy.” 

Total proof he’s a dork. 

Anyway, back to Misty Dance. Mom’s wrong about Misty. I didn’t make her up. You’re not going to believe it when I tell you this story. 

But first I have to warn you. If you’re reading this and it gets chopped off in the middle, you can bet one of three things happened to me:

1. I didn’t live to tell it. Hint: What I’m about to tell you involves serious danger.
2. We moved right in the middle of me writing it, and my notebook got buried in one of those big boxes my mom left in my room for me to pack. She only gave me two. Two. Like I could really cram all my stuff in two boxes.
3. I need to say goodbye to my house. Every bit of it, which is going to take forever. 

 
I love my house. One thing is, it smells old. It makes me think of my Grampa Sam. He lived with us from when I was a baby. After he died, I thought I would never stop feeling bad. If I had to tell you the God’s honest truth, I was right about that. 

Grampa Sam always used to say, “Penny for your thoughts, missy.” Then he let me talk as much as I wanted to. His grampa built our house, and it doesn’t seem right that we’re selling it and leaving Wisconsin just because my dad got a better job in Virginia. Kids on my bus think my house is haunted, but it’s not. 

It’s just old. 

I’m also going to miss the oak tree in my backyard, which is where I go when I need to get away from things, like Stu. It’s humongous and has a swing on it. You have to cross a bridge to get there, since the tree is by our creek. “That old tree has been waiting a long time for Diamond to show up,” my dad tells people, mostly in front of me. “It’s a good thing they found each other.”  

Anyway, what I want to tell you about starts here. You’re going to think I’m making this up, but I swear it’s true. So last week, school gets out, and I’m down at the oak tree on the swing, wondering what Emma Jackson does over summer break. She probably sits home alone because no one likes her. Yeah, right. I’m pumping pretty hard, you wouldn’t believe how high I’m going. When I swing up and stick my feet out, it looks like I’m standing upside down on a cloud. 

So I’m swinging back to earth and I see this pointy thing sticking up between the roots of the oak tree.

I drag my toe on the ground to stop the swing. A mystery! How cool is that? I look closer and see the corner of what looks like a box, poking out of the ground. A coffin. No, wait. Maybe a trunk full of jewels that fell from an Arabian princess’s caravan, which is what our last module in history was about.

I push at it, but it’s stuck. Off to the shed I go. I come back with a garden shovel that’s got pink flowers on it and dig around the box. Turns out, it’s not all that big. Still, you’d be amazed how long it takes to dig up a box that could only fit a pair of baby shoes in it. It’s all covered in dirt, but I can tell it’s pretty. I brush it off with my tee shirt. It’s made out of bare wood, and it’s got these teensy leaves carved on top. On the sides, too, like a vine that runs around the whole thing. 

There’s no latch, so I open the lid, easy. 

At first, I’m kinda let down. The only thing in there is a bunch of stones, like the ones in my backyard. Not jewels. Not even pennies, which I could have used to buy more beads for the bracelets I’m making. I take the stones out so I can look at them up close, and here’s where it starts to get interesting.

Each stone has a letter carved on it. Not like those fancy stones you see in garden shops that say things like Believe or Fairies Live Here, but more like somebody tried to scratch the letters out with a knife or something. I spread the stones out on the ground and line them up. Here’s what I get:

P-L-H-E

PLHE? What does that mean? Some kind of code? It makes me think of the way Stu’s breath smells before breakfast, so I fast make up a new word. L-E-H-P. Nope. P-L-E-H. Wait a minute. Now I’m getting somewhere. I switch the stones around and line them up in reverse.

H-E-L-P

Help.

My blood runs cold. I’m not sure what cold blood is, but I’ve seen it in books when something scary happens. The way I’m feeling now must be what cold blood does to you. 
But in about a second, I figure out it’s probably some kind of joke. I bet a kid from school put these stones here, hoping to fool somebody like me. I start to think this kid (boy? girl? Emma Jackson?) is hiding somewhere, watching, waiting for me to find their oh-so-hilarious box with stupid stones in it. 

I laugh, big and fake. “HA HA. That’s a good one! I can’t wait to tell my friends about this!” I’m doing a loud kind of not-yelling, in case the kid needs a little help hearing what I’m saying. I also stuff the box back in the hole, like I don’t care about it. 
I should have put the stones back in, too, but I didn’t.

“So much for THAT!” I say. 

I wipe the dirt off my hands. Then, in a major freak out, my mind starts counting up everything I’ve done since I started swinging. No nose picks, thank God. But it’s possible I was talking to myself. Out loud. Knowing me, I said something about Emma Jackson, even though I thought I was only thinking it. She’s the one who’s probably hiding behind the shed, sending pictures of me to everybody she knows, which is, like, the whole school.

I look down at the stones. Now it feels like they’re staring at me, too. 

Help, they keep saying. 

“What kind of help do you need?” I ask. “I mean, on a scale of one to ten, how bad is your problem?”

 Stones can’t talk, but I sure can. “Hel-l-o-o. Can you at least show me a sign? Maybe jump around a little? I’ve got these jumping beans my dad gave me. If you put them in your hands and warm them up, they jump around. My brother put one up his nose. Don’t ever do that. Then you’ll need help for sure. Anyway, it would be nice if you could show me a sign.”

The stones keep staring at me. As you might have guessed, they don’t do a thing. But something grips me. I’m going to call it a hunch, since I don’t know what else to call it. Deep down inside, I know these stones are trying to tell me something. That word, help, is starting to scare me. I rearrange the letters, but all that does is make it look like help spelled wrong. 

By now, I’m pretty freaked out. I pick the stones up. I’m thinking I’ll just throw them out in the yard. Get rid of them. But for some reason, I can’t do it, so I make a deal with myself. I’m going to roll them like dice. If they land spelling out the word help, I’ll spend the rest of my life if I have to, finding out who needs me. 

I swear it.
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If they spell anything else, I’ll throw all four of them in the trash. The box, too. 
I squat down, thinking about all the things I could do before rolling the stones. Then I just do it. You’re not gonna believe what happens when I let go of those stones. Let’s just say, this is the part of the story where Misty Dance shows up.

STORY CLUB CHAT TOPICS:
How would you feel if you were Diamond right now? Scared? Excited?
Why do you think Diamond has a hard time making friends?
How would you feel if you were moving to a new house?
Who do you think Misty is?
​Write down your thoughts about this chapter and leave it in the Facebook Group comments!

Unless you remember what it’s like to be a child, you might have a hard time writing for one. Here’s what kids want hear about:

• The way you almost died when you found out your skirt was tucked up in your waistband in Mrs. Kramer’s fourth grade class
• How you felt when you went shopping for school clothes in August; the smell of the dressing room; the empty hangers on the floor; the excitement/fear of going into a grade you’ve been saying you’re in all summer
• The heartbreak of watching your best friend pass your seat to sit with someone else on the bus; that rubbery, gasoline smell; forest green seats; kids bouncing up and down (or slumped by the window) and yelling over the gunning of the engine

If your characters aren’t culled from the swirl of emotions you felt every time anything happened when you were a kid, your young readers might not stick with you.

Here’s some stuff they don’t want to read about:

• Waking up in the morning
• What the main character’s bedroom looks like
• Parents
• Teachers
• Morals/lectures​

​When you’re writing for kids, write for yourself. The person you outgrew years ago, but who’s still hanging out somewhere inside.

Writing for Kids is Like Therapy
Funny thing, when you really get into writing for kids, it kind of wakes you up. It’s as if that child is snoozing in there, hibernating under a blanket of all of the ‘shoulds’ that we tend to weigh ourselves down with when we get jobs, houses, and children.

You’ll know you’ve nailed that cafeteria scene when something inside you stirs as you type the final word. If you once sat on your bed with your ten-year old best friend whose mother just died—and you didn’t know what to say— you’ll know you’ve captured that awful day when your eyes blur as you watch the scene unfold on your screen.  

It’s a remembering that reaches inside of you and cleans you out. You begin to see the world through your little girl eyes again—in small glimpses, sure—but it’s there. You laugh when people walk into things. You might find yourself putting a quarter in a gum machine to get one of those big, stale gumballs. You might even pet the neighbor’s cat. 

And do make sure you have a real, modern-day kid read your stuff. Someone needs to check it for ‘language.’ You don’t want Beaver Cleaver narrating your story. But go too far on the edgy side, and you might be topping out of your age group. (Unless you’re writing YA, which pretty much has everything in it that adult books do.)

Maybe you're writing for yourself. If that’s the case, do whatever feels good and throw it in a drawer when you’re done!

​Learn about my phonics program for kids.

by Mary Follin and Kristi Crosson
Read more advice from ASK MOM in Fredericksburg Parent & Family Magazine.

THE PROBLEM: My daughter (she’s in sixth grade) lies about everything. I can’t tell if she’s living in a dream world, or if she’s doing it on purpose. I sometimes wonder if she is just exaggerating to try and impress her friends, but she also does it with me. The other day, I asked her if she had done her homework, and she said ‘yes.’ But she knew I was going to have to sign-off on it later, and when I checked her workbook, it was blank. This sounds like a small thing, but it happens all the time. It’s not like she didn’t know I was going to check it! I punish her whenever I catch her lying, so she knows I don’t like it. But she only tries harder to get out of trouble by telling even more lies. Sometimes I get angry at her, but mostly, I’m afraid the problem is going to get worse unless I do something about it. I’m just not sure what to do.

Some children's book authors are so good they become a part of you—forever. Each generation has its beloved writer(s), but for me and my sisters, Laura Ingalls Wilder was who we wanted to be. And if we couldn't be her, at least we wanted to know her. But since she died before we were born, we had to make do with what she wrote and where she lived.

This fall, my sister had occasion to get close enough to the town of De Smet, South Dakota, to justify a trip to Laura's girlhood home. Now a shrine to Laura Ingalls Wilder, De Smet was backdrop to the The Long Winter, By the Shores of Silver Lake and The Little Town on the Prairie, which spanned my favorite years in Laura's growing-up life.

The long winter was too short for me. I wanted to get up every morning and bust the ice off my wash water, like Laura. I also wanted to teach in a one room schoolhouse. (Laura hated it, by the way.) My future husband would ride up in a sled—or cart, depending on the weather—and pick me up after I rang the cast iron bell. School's out! And of course, Nellie Oleson would just happen to be passing by, furious that she wasn't the one riding shotgun in whatever sweet ride Almanzo had chosen to bring.

I wanted to wear dresses made of organdy, which I pictured being the orange color of those marshmallow peanuts you have to hold your nose to eat. I wanted to make those dresses. Me, a wooden bench, a sewing needle and yards of fabric on my lap—cascading to the floor—is what I dreamed of.

I wasn't alone in this. If you've read this far, you're probably one of the thousands of children—now grown—who was smitten by a plucky pioneer girl named Laura.

So my sister rides into town in a rented car. While De Smet is home to only 1,200 residents, it boasts a tennis court, a swimming pool, a nine-hole golf course and a nursing home. In other words, you'll need to squint if you want the little town on the prairie to actually look like one. That said, many of the old homes and buildings are still in use, and some people might describe modern day De Smet as a 'one horse town.'

But others might describe it as All Things Laura. Devotees are strategically situated throughout the town to reveal tidbits about Laura and her family that you might not have heard before. (We want them all. Every single one.) The First School of De Smet, where Laura was a student, is still standing, but the Brewster School, where she taught, is a replica. There are all kinds of staged scenes in each of Laura's dwellings with period furniture, clothing and toys like the ones Laura 'might' have used.

Laura Ingalls Wilder described her early years as being full of "sunshine and shadow." The books were about the sunshine—the shadow, not so much. My sister was surprised that Pa had to abscond with his family in the middle of the night from Burr Oak, Iowa, due to the landlord 'not being reasonable.' And apparently, while Almanzo Wilder saved the starving town by making a dangerous run in a blizzard to buy some harvested wheat, the Wilder home MIGHT have harbored a false wall, behind which the family was secretly hording its own stash.

But the biggest surprise was that the entire Ingalls family lived in South Dakota until they died—either together in one home or within spittin' distance of each other—except for Laura. Laura settled in Mansfield, MO, with her husband, Almanzo, and only saw her parents once before they passed away many years later.

What?! Only see Ma one time over a period of 35 years? Good, kind, gentle Ma (even if she was a bit stern)? And Pa, who played the fiddle that Laura so loved? What are we missing here? As kids, we wanted to live with the Ingalls, yet Laura appears to have left them behind in De Smet, no hurry to go back.

We may never understand this. But living was hard on the plains in the late 19th and early 20th centuries, and the Ingalls bore their share of tragedies, many of which were not included in the books. If the pioneering life wore them down, we can only imagine the toll it took on their family.

If you're thinking about visiting a favorite children's book author's home town, brace yourself. You may end up feeling sort of sad. Your journey through the books was yours alone, and adding facts to your memories might not play out the way you think it will.

But if you're OK with reframing your childhood fantasies, have at it! Just be aware that you might alter forever the part of you that was formed by a complete stranger who felt like a friend.

ASK MOM offers parents and caretakers two perspectives on today’s child-rearing issues--one from a mom with grown children, the other from a mom raising small children. If you're looking for creative solutions, or your mom isn't around to ask, drop in!
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THE ISSUE: I’ve always heard how important it is to let children make their own decisions about little things, which I try to do with my three-year-old daughter. (What shirt to wear to school, if she wants to go to the park, etc.) But it feels like it’s backfiring on me! She takes forever to make a decision! She also becomes resistant to anything I suggest, and even throws tantrums when she can’t have her way. Help!
 
MARY SAYS: When children are young, they need trusted adults to show them how to make wise decisions. A three-year-old doesn’t want to be in charge—it’s too scary! Your daughter’s ability to make her own decisions will mature after watching you make decisions for her. Instead of presenting multiple options, offer her one and tell her why you’ve chosen it: “We’re having oatmeal today because it’s cold outside and it will warm you up!” Gradually, she will ‘get it’ after watching you, and she will be able to make her own decisions with confidence—and without tantrums.
 
KRISTI SAYS: I'm right in the thick of things with my threenager. If your kids are like mine, they say they want something one way, then change their minds moments later! It drives me crazy! The most important thing is that when a tantrum ensues, don't try to placate your child or give her whatever she wants. This will only teach her that fits work. Go ahead and let her have a fit (in a safe place of course). When she's calmed down, she's much more likely to be a reasonable human. I find that too many choices can be overwhelming. I stick with letting my kids make choices when time doesn't matter, and only giving them two options when it does. 

Learn more about our online phonics program to build your child's independent learning.  

Photo by Ketut Subiyanto

Celebrities who make it big in one way (say, making movies) are often gifted writers, artists and athletes, too. Not fair, I know. But that’s just how it is. So it shouldn’t come as a surprise that famous people have written some terrific books for kids.

Here are 7 books for kids written by celebrities that you and your children might enjoy:

Books for Kids: In this beautifully illustrated tale, actor and comedian Billy Crystal writes a poem to his grandchild before they meet. It might appeal more to grandmas and grandpas than to kids, but it’s a heartfelt love letter, penned before the child is born.

Books for Kids: When her great grandma dies, a little girl named Kate contemplates what heaven is like. The illustrations are to die for. (Sorry.) Shriver’s view of heaven is a traditional one. If yours is, too, you might enjoy reading this book to your child.

Books for Kids: A New Earth, by Eckhart Tolle, was one of the most important books I’ve ever read. I think Tolle’s writings are changing our planet—in a good way. Why am I saying this? To soften the blow. I felt that Milton’s Secret was preachy and contrived. But it is one of the few books that teaches children how present moment awareness can relieve suffering, so hats off to Tolle for writing it.

Books for Kids: You know you’ve made it when you don’t use your last name and people still know who you are. (It's Ciccone, by the way.) Madonna wrote this charming book, adding to her repertoire of things you can buy from her. It’s cute! It reminds me a little of the Madeleine books, maybe because it takes place in a European school and stars a bunch of girls. It also deals with the human capacity for judging someone harshly.

Books for Kids: I always wanted to ask Guinan for advice! But if you can’t have the bartending Star Trek sage, this book is the next best thing. Maybe Goldberg was bemoaning the lack of manners in our culture, but whatever the reason, she did us all a great service by writing this guide for kids. And the pictures are fun, too.

Books for Kids: This is a simple story about a tiny wave who ultimately discovers he is part of a vast ocean. A metaphor for our planet and how we are all one, Jim Carrey writes about How Roland Rolls: “The message of the story will help [children] feel connected, worthwhile and a part of something vast and grand.” What greater gift could a story offer your children?

Introduced to schools in the 1980s, Whole Language takes a holistic approach to teaching children how to read. Words are deciphered by using the context of the story, the pictures and the sentences. (There is a lot of sight-reading in this method, too.) Simply surround new readers with the written word in fun and meaningful ways, and they will start to get it. The Whole Language approach is loosely based on the premise that children can learn to read the way they learned to talk.

One of the problems with this notion is that toddlers are motivated to learn how to talk. If someone is babbling at them, they want to know what’s going on. When the big kids are playing a game, the little one is all ears. And except for when babies are sleeping, they are practicing all the time.

As far as small children are concerned, reading is optional. (OK, it’s not really. But they don’t know that yet.) Some kids are motivated to learn how to read, but for others, it’s too much work to figure out. If reading is presented to this kind of child in an unstructured ‘guessing game,’ he’s not going to get it. And then later, when he realizes that being good at this game informs everything else he does, the anxiety sets in.

Perhaps there was an element of ‘luck’ to the record-breaking popularity of the bespectacled, black-haired boy dreamed up by children’s book author J.K. Rowling. After all, a lot of events had to fall magically in place before one small publisher finally decided to gamble on Harry Potter and the Philosopher’s Stone. Legend has it that the publisher decided to move forward with the book when his eight-year-old daughter read the first chapter and asked for more.

What fabulous luck!

So what does ‘luck’ look like to you? (For example, what does it mean when you say ‘just my luck’? Has something devastating—or spectacular—happened?) Behind every stroke of luck there is typically an iron-willed belief and a lot of hard work. And when these two get together, luck happens.

Alchemy, if you will.

Rowling describes her books as touching on religious themes—but not overtly. She is a master at telling a story that has multiple layers, but all she does is tell it like it is. Discovering the universal truths in her mythology is up to each of us to do for ourselves.

And when we do, we feel something.

The Harry Potter series weaves a golden thread of longing, hope, magic and love, beginning with The Boy Who Lived and not stopping until the end. There’s a lot of darkness in the series, too. This epic tale appeals to the hero inside of us—child and adult alike.

I asked one (young) reader what he liked so much about Harry Potter. His answer was simple: “J.K. Rowling is so creative.” But these words didn’t come close to expressing what was on the boy's face—the way it lapsed into a dreamy, far-away look at the mere mention of his beloved Harry. Now a college student, this young man has read the entire series at least 20 times.

I love what J.K. Rowling revealed in her interview with Oprah. At one point, Oprah asked Rowling if she ‘knew’ that ‘one day every child in the world will know his [Harry’s] name.’

This excerpt from the 10/3/2010 transcript of that interview is riveting:

Winfrey: But isn’t it interesting that in the first book, when Harry is being dropped-off at his uncle’s, it is predicted – ?

Rowling: One day every child in the world will know his name.

Winfrey: One day every child in the world will know his name.

Rowling: Well, the screenwriter –

Winfrey: So, didn’t you know?

Rowling: No.

Winfrey: Wasn’t there part of you –

Rowling: Part of me –

Winfrey: Subconsciously, that knew? Yes.

Rowling: I – I remember once and it was like – it was like – well, like – I’m going to call it clash – a flash of clairvoyance now. Obviously if it hadn’t come true it would just be some crazy thought I had. But I do remember one day, writing Philosopher’s Stone, I was walking away from the café where I’d been working on –

Winfrey: Philosopher’s Stone which became Sorcerer’s Stone.

Rowling: Which became Sorcerer’s Stone, exactly. So that’s the first novel. And I had this moment where I suddenly thought – It was like another voice speaking to me and the voice said “the difficult thing is going to get published. If it gets published it will be huge.”

Wow. Great insight. One that begs the question: If you are a writer, are you listening to the voice in your head? Is your heart telling you it’s a go? If so, now may be the time to follow Rowling’s lead and start creating your own luck.

Just make sure it’s the good kind.

Leave a comment! Share your thoughts about 'creating luck.'

By ‘big’ I mean full. Expansive. Teaching kids to read sets their imaginations on fire. So does playing, coloring—even a video game can spark some juice up there.

But nothing works like reading.

Why is reading so important for developing the imagination? Because reading is work. Think about it. When you watch a great movie, the director has created all of the scenes for you. All you need to do is sit back and enjoy. Certainly, good films can go straight to your heart, but they don’t have to work too hard to get there.

Like developing a muscle, reading requires your brain to run through the neural exercise of developing scenes, connecting the plot and filling in all of the gaps. Reading doesn’t use any of your senses. (Sight? Not really. Black slashes on a white page—hardly stimulating. Unless it’s a picture book, you’re on your own.)

A well-developed imagination knows how to solve problems. It has a way of mobilizing when something needs fixing. Should we do A or B? What would the ramifications be of each? What could the outcomes be in each scenario? Dreamers think big and figure out how to move mountains when they need to.

Imagination can release someone from a traumatic situation. Re-framing a tragic event by telling oneself a new story about it can relieve suffering and soften a painful memory. Without imagination, the mind can get stuck on ‘what happened.’ This is okay, of course, if someone needs to hold on to the story. But repeating the same story can last a lifetime, and moving on to a happier existence might mean a creative re-scripting of the past.

People with great imaginations are never bored. Waiting in a long line? No problem. One’s own dream world can occupy the mind for hours on end, so that stretches of time with nothing to do invite flights of fancy that take you to faraway places.

And speaking of faraway places, teaching kids to read gives them the chance to travel. Differences between nations and their inhabitants blur when kids read about people who live in unfamiliar worlds. Readers become the characters in books. Children have an intimate knowledge of what it’s like to go to wizard school, be a vampire or get stung by a scorpion as an Olympian half-blood, simply by snuggling up with a bound stack of paper with printed letters on it.

If you grew up on a steady diet of good children’s literature, you know what your child is missing if he or she doesn’t spend much time reading. But getting kids to read isn’t easy. Today’s culture doesn’t set aside down time for doing ‘nothing’ the way we used to.
As kids, we turned to books on hot summer days when there was nothing to do. Or on rainy days, when it was too cold and wet to go outside. And who doesn’t remember those temperate, not-a-cloud-in-the-sky Saturdays when mom or dad told you to put that book down and go out and get some sunshine?

If this was part of your childhood, you most likely want that for your child, too. Try these 5 tips for getting kids to read.

1)  Books by mail. Kids love to get mail. Join an online book swap, so your child can choose his or her own book and order it from another reader. You will be pleasantly surprised to see your child checking the mailbox for the latest book, then reading it as soon as it comes in. The only cost you incur is postage to send your contribution to another little reader.

2)  Front yard libraries. Start a Little Free Library—you can buy one or make your own. These free-standing libraries hold about 20 books, and you can set them up in your front yard or on community property. You may want to restrict this “Take a Book, Leave a Book” concept to children’s books only, or you can extend the service to everyone. Your child will love checking it every day to see which books were taken and which ones were dropped off. As an added benefit, neighbors with children will stop in front of it, giving your child a chance to meet new friends.

3)  Book clubs. Start a book club for a small group of your child’s friends. Your child will look forward to reading the book, and the ensuing discussion will help him or her come to understand books in a new way.

4)  Book shopping. This one may sound simplistic, but it works. Let your child buy a book every now and then. Ownership creates responsibility. If your child spends his or her time at a bookstore choosing the perfect book, the likelihood of that book getting read goes up. If there are no bookstores near you, try a book-of-the-month club. The point is, let your child choose the titles.

5)  Role models. If you have your nose in a book, chances are, your child will, too. Rather than reading at night before you go to bed, read during the day so that your child can see that reading is a ‘big people’ thing to do. Better yet, each of you grab a book, go to Starbucks and order a latte for you and a smoothie for your child. Curl up in those big, comfy chairs and read away. As an added bonus, sometimes bookstores are connected to coffee shops. You can make a day of it!

If you are tired of nagging your kids to read, try some of these tips. Make it a family affair, and you will foster that love of reading that you so badly want for your children. Getting kids to read is a lot easier when you make it fun!

Leave a comment. What do you do to get your kids reading?

A lot of people have one inside of them. A novel, I mean. They think about it, they tell people about it—they might even sit down and write a few pages. But why do so few actually finish writing a novel?

For starters, it’s a big job. And when you have a lot of other things to do, it’s easy to shove your book off to the side, to be written when you have more time.

But if you are able to save it for later, it’s probably not burning a hole inside of you. (And if that’s the case, ‘later’ might never come.) If your unwritten novel haunts you when you’re at work, if you’re developing plots at night before you fall asleep and you’re annoyed with yourself when you see a novel that you could have written hit the bookstores, perhaps it’s time to figure out what’s stopping you.

One way to make sure your novel stays where it is now—inside of you—is to tell everyone about it. While some of your friends will be staunch supporters, the people closest to you might feel threatened that you are branching out and trying something new. They might say things like this:

“You?”

Or: “Shouldn’t you start with a short story?”

Perhaps you have someone in your life who’s even more blunt:

“But you can’t write.”

Most likely, you know who these people are. And if you find yourself unable to resist sharing your enthusiasm with them, you may want to ask yourself why you are opening yourself up to their lack of faith in you. Could it be that they are mirroring something inside of you about your ability to do this? If so, be aware that you will continue to seek naysayers until you believe you can see this project through to the end.

If you need to confide in someone, choose somebody who has always been your champion. As for everybody else? Resist the temptation to share. That way, their negative vibes won’t bring you down.

If Phileas Fogg can get around the world in 80 days, you can certainly write a novel by then, too. Consider this: if you write 1,000 words a day, you will have completed your first draft of an 80,000 word novel (a good length for most debut novels) in less than three months. Writing for kids? You’ll be done in six weeks.

But maybe 1,000 words a day demands more resources than you have to spare. No worries. Cut it down to 500 words. Still too much? Shoot for 250. The point is, if you break it up into bite-sized chunks—whatever that means for you—it will be easier for you to set up a schedule and stick to it. By doing this, you'll end up with a completed novel, ready to pitch to agents in 2015.

Let your time with your book be your favorite part of the day. Look forward to it. Savor it while you are engaged in the work you ‘have’ to do. You will find that once you begin writing on a schedule, your novel will stop torturing you. Rather, you will find that the mere thought of it can buoy you up—even when other parts of your life are weighing you down.

Why not tackle this mountain with a climbing buddy? You probably have a friend who wants to write a novel, too. If not, I suspect you do have a friend who would be willing to hold you accountable, and perhaps even read chapters to give you feedback as you write.

Or maybe you feel as though you need a real taskmaster to help you get through this. For those of you who are tired of ‘wanting’ to write a book and ready to get it done, you might benefit from the upcoming National Novel Writing Month. NaNoWriMo is a non-profit organization that provides support for first-time novelists who are willing to commit the month of November to writing that first draft. On an international scale, you can join with other writers who are sick of hearing themselves talk and are ready to write—a whole book in 30 days. Through this organization, you can enjoy pep talks, inspirational stories, contests and forums, but most importantly, you can join thousands of new novelists who have decided that the time is now (or more precisely, November) to get that story written.

Ever hear about the legendary warrior who led his troops by sea onto enemy shores? When they reached land, he ordered them to burn their boats. Think about what it would take for you to embark on this adventure, with no turning back. Once you’ve written one novel, it’s a lot easier to write the second one, which is how most novelists turn writing stories into a career.

How about you? Do you have a novel inside of you? Tell us about it!

Not all boys hate to read. But a lot do, and those are the ones we’re talking about here. If a middle-grade boy is a reluctant reader, he’s setting himself up for a lifetime of problems he could have skipped—if only he knew how to read.

Let’s face it. Poor readers stress about school, tend to have lower confidence outside of school and often grow up with the intention of quitting their education as soon as they are allowed (by the state, mom or dad).

And where does that leave them?

If you’re a parent with a boy who doesn’t like to read, you are probably desperately seeking ways to inspire him to pick up a book.

What does your son like to do? Is he a baseball fan? Does he like to cook? Is he into dinosaurs, bugs or spaceships? Surround him with books about his favorite topics. There is no need to offer him variety. If he only wants to read about World War II military strategy, let him. I know one fourth-grade boy who only wanted to read about that, and he exhausted the supply of books on military history at the local library.

There are certain genres of books your son might enjoy. One mom told me that her reluctant reader really liked books with talking animals. They weren’t easy to find, but she worked hard to keep him in a steady supply until he became an independent reader. If your son likes one book, find out why and hunt down more of the same.

If your boy likes comic books, take regular trips to the comic book store. Try a subscription to a magazine. The stories are short and there are lots of pictures. Video game fanatics might be more willing to read stories online. Download books for your gamer to read on his computer. This article has a list of websites where you can get books for children online. Some of them are read aloud, but others are digital downloads.

Make a trade. If your son reads a book, plan a reward that relates to the book. If he finishes a book on baseball, take him to a baseball game. If the book is a fictional account of an historic event, take him to a site where he can learn more about what really happened. And if he reads a book about two kids going on an adventure and getting in trouble, let him set up a tent in the back yard and have a sleepover.

One great way to encourage your son to read is to let him watch movies that are based on books--after he’s read the book. There are some great books for kids that were made into movies:

• Harry Potter (There are eight of these. This could keep your son reading all year.)
• The Narnia Series
• Star Trek
• Star Wars
• The Lightning Thief (And other Percy Jackson and the Olympians novels)
• A Series of Unfortunate Events
• Eragon
• The Wizard of Oz
• The Golden Compass
• Charlie and the Chocolate Factory
• The Fault in Our Stars
• Charlotte’s Web
• Holes

Some of the books on this list may be too challenging for your reader. If that’s the case, choose the abridged or graphic version if it’s available. Usually, the graphic version of a novel is shorter, and of course, children love the artwork that illustrates these timeless stories.

Break your reading challenge into manageable chunks, and your son will be more likely to get through the whole book. For example, give him a gold star when he finishes a chapter. That way, he can see tangible results as he works toward his goal.

One caveat: Be careful not to make the experience punitive by constantly reminding him that he doesn’t get the prize if he doesn’t read the book. Let him be in charge of his own destiny. If he chooses to forgo the prize, let that be up to him.

Becoming a good reader takes practice. Reading grade level material is hard work for a reluctant reader. Rather than making your son struggle through books that other fifth graders are reading, go back down to fourth grade. Find easier books that your child might like. Or even two grade levels below—whatever it takes for your son to be able to enjoy reading.

If your son is willing to keep his nose in a book for younger children, he will get all the practice he needs, simply because he is reading. Reading for enjoyment will advance his skills faster than powering through a book that is too hard for him. After all, that’s how his classmates became good readers—mastering easy books and then moving on to harder ones. What you are giving your late bloomer is the gift of taking all the time he needs.

And finally, don’t stop reading aloud. Choose books that you think your son could read by himself. Spend time reading to him before he goes to bed, but stop when you get to the most exciting part in the chapter. Lay the book on his nightstand and let him know that it’s now time for lights out. Except, of course, if he wants to finish the chapter on his own.

Leave a comment! Is your boy a reluctant reader? Share your own stories about what worked for you.

Let's say your main character is a kid who rode on your school bus when you were eight years old. Or, your main character is you when you were eight years old. But now you’re all grown up and this guy or gal is only in your head. Good character development gets these people out of your head and onto the page so they are no longer inside of you. By the time you type The End, your characters should belong to the world.

So how do you do that?

Start by re-introducing yourself to your long-ago friend. Sure you knew this kid twenty-five years ago, but that’s a long time. Remember, if you’re writing in the time-frame of your own childhood, that would be an historical novel. Maybe you wore neon orange and lime-green parachute pants as a kid, but make sure your characters dress the way kids do now.

And notice how confident elementary school children are today. They’ll say anything to anybody. Even to grown-ups (with whom they’ll be on a first-name basis). These kids tend to have a better idea of what they like—and don’t like—and they’re not shy about letting you know.

Today’s boys and girls are more likely to be best friends with each other than they were back then. They’re tech savvy, and they’re less likely to be playing jump-rope or monkeying around on jungle gyms.

And in what appears to be an evolution of consciousness, the children of today are more comfortable with talking about how they feel.

You want your readers to get to know your characters by what your characters say and do. Let’s say that you want to show the reader that your eight-year-old protagonist (Jason) is lacking confidence in his ability to swim.

Here are three ways you can handle that:


1)      You spell it out for your reader:

Jason hung back. He wasn’t a very good swimmer, and he always felt embarrassed when he thrashed his way across the pool.

2)      Jason tells them, but in case your reader misses it, you tell them, too:

“Hey, Jason! Come on in!”

“I can’t. I forgot my towel.” Jason had hoped that no one would notice that he wasn’t swimming.

3)      Let JASON show your readers how unsure he is:

Sam and Eddie dove into the deep end. The water was a shade darker—and colder, Jason thought—when the drain was so far down you could hardly see it. He grabbed a kickboard from the deck and jumped in.

"Look! I'm Eddie! I'm a big baby!" Jason held his nose with two fingers and began splashing his way across the pool. The spastic sound of his feet slapping the water trailed behind him, but all he cared about was the clock on the wall over the picnic tables. Two more minutes, and the lifeguard would blow the whistle for adult swim.

A general rule of thumb is this: when your character talks, the reader should know who’s doing the talking without any prompting from you. While this can’t be the case for every line (Wow! Cool!—all kids say that), it’s helpful to think about this ‘test’ as you’re writing dialog. Each character should have a unique voice. I recall reading a book one time and wondering why it wasn’t working for me. It wasn’t until after I had finished the whole thing that I realized all of the characters spoke in the same witty banter.

While there might be one quirky character in a book, they can’t all be. The others need to be something different to provide contrast.

Mostly because that’s how it is in real life. Everybody’s different. And in order to create a scenario that your readers can get lost in, they need to feel the way they do when they meet real people—interested, curious and wanting to know more.

So you’re ready to write that novel. It’s been festering in the back of your mind for weeks—or years—and something about this moment is making you say “It’s time.” Short of a professor who threatens you with an ‘F’ if you don’t turn it in, how do you make sure you get it done?


Join a writer’s group. Or start one.

It’s not easy to add one more commitment to a long list of things you have to do, but if you want to hold yourself accountable for writing a whole book, you’re going to need help.

You’re going to need about two hours a week to meet with your new group, and about ten hours a week to write your book. So where’s the time going to come from?

You need to quit something. And the first thing that’s gotta go is reading. Stop curling up with a juicy book. Quit your book club. Reading (a lot) is the key to becoming a good writer, but writing is more important for you now. (Besides, if you are a writer, you’ve probably already done a good job on the reading part.)

Think of it like this. If you were going to be a chocolate maker, you would need to sample a lot of chocolate. But at some point, you’ve got to stop eating chocolate and start making chocolate. Over-indulgence will make you sick. You’ll get frustrated by all of the bad chocolate out there and how you could do it better. And when you taste a heavenly bite? You’ll get depressed, wondering if you could ever be as good.

Sound familiar? If this is how you feel when you browse through a bookstore, it’s time to stop reading and start writing. When you’re deep into your novel, you can start reading again. That’s when reading becomes an education rather than a pastime.

One woman I talked to who joined (and quit) a writer's group said that nobody wanted to say anything bad about anybody’s writing.  She didn’t feel she was getting enough guidance. The group was too ‘nice.’

Mine wasn’t. My group was mean. And because of it, I have a much better novel. Finished and polished.

Make decisions about how you will all work as a group:

1. Each person in the group critiques the week’s chapter without interruption from the author. After each person is done, the author gets to ask questions. Encourage the author not to defend his or her writing. (They won’t be there to defend themselves when people read the book after it’s published. Might as well get used to it.)
2. Identify what’s working and what’s not. Pretend the author isn’t even there, so that each person can speak freely.
3. Warn all members that the goal of the writer’s group is to get published and that it might be difficult to sit through the criticism at times. But also let them know that if they stick with it, they will surprise themselves with how good their writing becomes—and how bad their early stuff was. (I can attest to this.) You can’t see it without help.

Talk to people you know. Most likely, there is another closet novelist in your office, school or neighborhood. But if not, go to www.meetup.com or www.craiglist.com —two great sources for finding like-minded individuals. And if you can’t generate local interest, go wide. You can hold your meetings via Skype or Google Hangouts.

Don’t worry about needing to find people who are writing in the same genre as you. A good book is a good book. The members of your new writer's group will have been voracious readers for years. They can help you identify qualities about any style of writing that are uniquely yours—the good, the bad and the ugly.

Writing for kids is easy. The words are short, the books are short—the readers are usually pretty short. They’ve got to be less discerning than adults, right?

If your book is about wizards, mean girls or vampires, you might have a shot at going viral with a mediocre tale. But don’t count on it. Children have a sensor inside of them that gravitates toward good writing. Well-written children’s books rise to the top. And although it might look like an author simply got lucky by thinking up a good story, if you were to deconstruct that story, you would find an intricate piece of work that took a lot of time, thought and false starts to write.

Children are people, too. Myths, archetypes and human struggles resonate with them as they do with us. Kids want to cry, laugh, side with the hero and imagine themselves in the situations they are reading about. If the language is trite or the plot is forced, nothing happens inside. Write for the heart and you’ve got something worth reading.

Harry Potter aside, children usually prefer to follow one story at a time. Subplots bore them. If they’re headed down one path, they don’t want to be taken down another. Adults are a little more patient with this. We like to savor our books, make them last. If we have twenty minutes before bedtime to read, we feel lucky.

Children inhale books. They want to get to the end, even if they’re having a good time on the way. If the hero is on the verge of discovery (or death, or losing some kind of conflict), it’s best to stay on that track.

And if you are going to introduce a subplot, that’s okay if it advances the action. Just make sure that it supports the hero’s journey and the arc of your story. And please make sure your side trip doesn’t include parents or teachers. There’s no getting around that one. Adults should be background noise at best in a book for kids. (Remember the adults in the Charlie Brown TV shows? All they ever said was “Wah, wah, wah.”)

Pick up any work of middle-grade fiction—Harry Potter aside—and you will find that most of them take place within a few days. Maybe a few weeks, but seldom will they span a year.  Kids have a limited view of the future. If something big is going to happen on Saturday, that’s about as far out as they can see.

Young readers are going to want to experience your hero’s day. A rock comes through the classroom window with a note attached to it. The new kid smells like a banana. A best friend’s desk is empty, and the teacher looks like she’s been crying. The math problem on the board is a string of mysterious—yet strangely familiar—numbers. A secret code, perhaps?

All of this needs to happen even before the bell rings for lunch.

It goes without saying that a kid’s book should move along at a pretty good clip, Harry Potter aside. (Sure, the Potter books move. But they also spend a lot of time meandering in the halls, the cafeteria and out on the school grounds.)  Keeping the pace up is not always easy to do. There’s backstory that needs to be established, locales to describe, and characters to introduce.

Try doing it with dialog.

Kids love when the characters talk to each other.  How to talk like a kid is a topic for another day, but dialog is a great way to fill in the gaps and keep the story moving at the same time.

Be careful with this. Using dialog to clue the reader in can backfire if it’s too obvious:

“My parents told me they’re getting divorce and I have to go live with my dad. He’s moving to Chicago, so I have to start at a new school. I’m really bummed.” Alexander kicked at a pebble with his toe. He didn’t look up, but he knew that Casey was staring at him.

Now take a look at a more natural unfolding:

Alexander kicked at a pebble with his toe. “I’m not coming back next year,” he said.

“Why not?” Casey asked.

“Because my mom and dad are stupid.” Alexander wondered if Casey had heard that his parents were splitting up.

You may have heard that good dialog sounds the way people really talk. Well, it doesn’t. In real life, people aren’t that clever. And articulate. And they’re not always telling a story, which is a role you can never break when you are writing one. Good dialog is a delicate balance between sounding natural and moving the story along.

The Harry Potter series violates almost every rule for writing a good children’s book. Genius is like that sometimes. If you have a genius inside of you, throw the rulebook away and follow your muse.

By teaching your child to read, you are sharing wisdom that — until the last one hundred years or so — was imparted to only a chosen few. Not so long ago, reading was reserved for the elite, the revered and the powerful.

And if you’re using a phonics-based method, you’re going all the way back to the early Greek alphabet, adapted by the Greeks from the Phoenician alphabet. The Phoenicians were known to have used symbols to help native speakers recognize sounds of words they knew. In the beginning, the ability to read these symbols (consonants only—no vowels) was related to the culture, and a person needed contact with native speakers to understand them.

The Greeks changed all that. They added vowels and a system that made their alphabet more portable to other communities. The sounds were no longer attached to meanings. Rather, they were merely assigned to sounds in a word. A writer could actually mix them up to create new words, based only on the sounds.

Then the Romans ran with it and created the alphabet we still use today.

In other words, it all started with the Phoenicians. The genius of a phonetic alphabet stems from the innovative nature of this early civilization. And did you know that Phoenician means ‘Purple People’? The Greeks dubbed them that because the Phoenicians made the purple dyes for the robes of Mesopotamian royalty, and the dye-makers’ skin would often be stained a purple hue.

Think of yourself as a mentor or a guide, passing on a wisdom tradition that as the ‘elder,’ you are being called upon to do.

Kids don’t get enough lap time. If you have a preschooler or a kindergartner, is he or she getting at least some time each day on your lap? At the end of a long day—work, daycare, bills to pay, cars to fix, meals to make—is your child getting the one-on-one attention he or she needs from you?

Don’t blink. That soft, downy hair with the baby sweet smell will soon be a wistful memory. Much sooner than you know. And when your child is on your lap and turns to look up at you for reassurance with those bright, wide-open eyes, you will never feel so able to provide it as you do at that moment.

You are the elder. With your child on your lap, you are passing down knowledge to him or her that is endemic to a life well-lived. We text, email, post, blog—that’s our tradition. But sadly, many people aren’t very good at it. And just as in 1,000 BC, lacking that skill can separate people. Keep them shut out. Limit their choices.

You’ve been chosen. You’re the right person to teach your child to read, opening up a world of choices for him or her.

It seems odd to discard a tradition that has stood the test of (a really long) time. If you are teaching your child to read, I would encourage you to start first with a phonics-based method. Phonics can never harm your child’s effort to learn how to read. That’s because English is a phonetic language. You’re teaching your child exactly what is on the page in front of him or her.

But you can cause problems if you skip phonics. Phonics is a code. Obvious to some, but to others, a mystery. If a child is not able to decipher that code, he will struggle. And it’s much harder to teach it after he has tried to learn another way but has failed. Because now you are dealing with much more than a missing skill. You will most likely spend years undoing the belief that has developed in your child’s heart that reading is hard and he isn’t very good at it.

Nobody wants that for their child. Which is why we take our children on our laps and start teaching them everything we know. Like all the families, tribes and societies that have gone before us.

Tell your kids you are teaching them the ancient Secrets of the Purple People. They’ll love that.

How do you eat an elephant? One bite at a time. How do you write a novel? Make yourself sit down at your computer. Then, get up, go to the kitchen for a snack, eat it over the sink, sit back down again, look out the window and finally, go to Starbucks.

At least, that’s the way it was for me.

Getting started was the hardest part. After that, stopping was the hard part. I found that I had been thinking so long about my book, that when I actually sat down to write it, the first half or so seemed to write itself.

And the rest followed pretty quickly. But then it got hard again. Because once it’s done, you’ll most likely need to start over.

It took me about six months to write my 50,000 word middle-grade novel, and about two more years to do enough rewrites to get it in good enough shape to pitch to agents.

The main character in my book is named Skyler. When I completed my first draft, my oldest son read it. After he finished, he turned to his brother and said, “Skyler talks like mom.” Since Skyler is only twelve years old, that wasn’t a good thing. Twelve-year-olds don’t typically say things like “Why don’t we think this through?” Or “Darn it. I’ve got homework. I can’t go.”

My second draft was me writing the whole book over, starting with page one.

Writing is a solitary pursuit, but editing is not. Here are some of the reasons I’ve heard that people won’t show their stuff to anyone else:

• It’s so good, someone might steal my idea.
• People tell me I should change things, but I’m the only one who knows what’s right for my book.
• I’m afraid of rejection. What if they don’t like it? I would die if nobody liked it.
• It’s already close to perfect. I can tell. (And I should know. It’s my book.)
• My editor will edit it when I get a publisher.

Let’s pretend that all of these are good reasons to skip the part where you let friends, family and strangers (if they’re willing) tear your stuff apart. Because it is pretending. It’s a bad, bad idea to not get feedback on your book.

Solicit as many warm bodies as you can to read it. Your neighbors, your boss, your kids. Join a writer’s group. Upload your book to www.lulu.com or www.amazon.com and self-publish it. Not to sell it, but to hand a paperback to each of your readers. It will be much easier for them to read on paper than online, and they will be more likely to do it. Tell them to read it with pen-in-hand and make notes in the margins.

If you do this, I promise you will get depressed. You’ll get so many put-downs about your book, you’ll be tempted to quit. (Or you’ll find yourself wondering how people can be so stupid and that maybe you need new friends.)

And the worst? When nobody can seem to get through it. I’ve been sooo busy. But I’ll get to it. I promise. After I finish watching the last seven seasons of House in the next few weeks or so.

That’s feedback, too.

But after you’ve stuck your book in a drawer for awhile, the feedback you’ve been getting will start to percolate. You’ll notice patterns. What your (suddenly smarter) friends are saying will start to make sense. You’ll figure out how to fix it. And when you do, the next round of readers will reflect that. They’ll come back to you a few days later and say “I couldn’t wait to find out what happened.” And instead of telling you what’s wrong with your book, they’ll start musing about the characters and about what happened to them.

More like a book club than a billy club.

Here’s something I find interesting. I’ve seen writers defend the way they’ve written a phrase, a paragraph or even a plot-line, even though their readers are telling the author that he or she has missed the mark. Think about that one. Is the writer going to have the opportunity to explain his or her logic to everyone who buys the book?

If you’re not writing for the reader, you’re writing for yourself. Which is OK, as long as you’re not interested in getting published.

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Children want to learn how to read, but let’s face it, sometimes it feels like work. In the early lessons, there are some basics that need to be covered before the real fun begins. Learning all the sounds of the alphabet can take a long time for some kids, but until they know those, they don’t get to enjoy sounding out words and, well, reading.

When you are working with your child (on anything, for that matter!), does she wiggle a lot? Does he want to talk about what he found on the bottom of his shoe the other day? Does she look at everything but what you are trying to show her?

If so, good! Your child is perfectly normal. And fortunately, teaching reading with phonics is simple, straight-forward and works like building blocks. Over time, even the most distracted pupil can learn how to read.

But until that happens, here are 7 tips for keeping your child focused on what you are trying to do:

1. Keep it short. Three to five minutes a day, three to five days a week is the maximum amount of time you will want to spend on lessons. This will help make sure your child stays engaged during each lesson. (As an added bonus, you will always leave your young pupil wanting more!)
2. Praise your child. Reward her with hugs and applause, even when things seem to be moving slowly. There are certain personality-types that will do anything for praise. If your child is one of those, hang a chart on the wall and put a gold star on it each time you finish a lesson. Take her to tea when she earns a week’s worth of stars.
3. Be creative. Draw a picture of a word after she reads it. Or balloons when she gets her sounds right.
4. Get moving. To keep your child physically engaged, let him blow bubbles or throw a ball each time he gets a word right.
5. Make it cozy. Ideally, lesson time is on-your-lap time. If your child doesn’t get enough of this on most days, spending time on your lap will help keep him still. (Not too much time, though. You’ve got a short window before your child will want to get down. See #1!)
6. Check your child’s vitals. Make sure your child is comfortable, well-fed and rested before you begin each lesson.
7. Give it up. If it becomes too much of a struggle, stop and pick up where you left off next time. Sometimes, it’s a good idea to set the materials aside for a few weeks—or months. Take your cue from your child. She might be letting you know that she’s not ready yet.

In any reading program, the lessons really must stick to a 5 minute limit to accommodate the short attention span of a small child. (Or a busy mom!) One of the biggest downfalls is the overzealousness of the parent.  It’s tempting to keep pushing everything along so that you can start seeing results.

If this is how you feel, please don’t rush your child. There are no deadlines. Try to remember that each lesson is a time of enrichment, not measured success. 'Showing off' your child's reading skills to friends and family may put undue pressure on her. Believe me, as your child's confidence grows, she will proudly display on her own what she has learned!

Enjoy!

Mary Follin

Add to these 7 tips! I'd love to hear how you have helped your child sit still. Leave a comment.

Do children's book titles hold the same enchantment for you as they do for me?

Anne of Green Gables, The Long Winter (Laura Ingalls Wilder), The Five Little Peppers and How They Grew, The Little Princess (or Sara Crewe), All-of-a-Kind Family, The Secret Garden, The Lion the Witch and the Wardrobe. 

I imagine you have your own list.

For me, these mere words take me back to the world I dreamed up as a kid. A happy world. One that had cozy houses (which all looked the same in my mental construct), bosom friends (to quote the aforementioned Anne) and kids that got to be the star of their own show.

Stuff I always wanted.

Sure, bad things happened. But deep down, I knew that all would be well in the end. Even if someone died. It was just a matter of finding the good in it, which most of the characters managed to do.

Children’s books do that for kids. They create threads of feeling inside that stick with them, sometimes for life. They put a frame in place that helps children respond in a more thoughtful way to the real-life story that is happening around them.